Kutaragi, mein fuhrer

[Green Gibbon!]

So I bought a PS3, then a week later the price drops. God's maniacal cackling aside (he likes to do this sort of thing to me), I like it. Quite a bit. It is big, excessive, elitist, and very, very Japanese. It's a game console for adults. Not just any stoner, beer-chugging, Homer Simpson idolizing trailer park adults - wine-drinking, Cuban cigar-smoking, business-section reading adults who spend their summers playing golf in Ireland.

The first thing I noticed is that it's big. At least the size of an Xbox. It's also glossy. This is the shiniest thing I've ever owned. Like a black mirror. Every time I touch it - even the slightest, gentlest, most delicate tap with freshly washed hands - I feel like I've marred it permanently. There are so many inputs. I've never seen this many ports on a game console. I like to consider myself technologically literate, but there are slots and switches on this machine I don't have the faintest clue what to do with. They could be for technology that has yet to be invented. It took me, like, three minutes just to figure out how to turn the thing on because even the power switch is a disparaging, touch-sensitive insignia. This machine is worth more than me and Sony knows it.

The PlayStation Store is very straightforward - charges are made using actual currency (dollars, yen, or whatever), which is more practical and far less corny than the Kool-Aid Point systems of Xbox Marketplace and Wii Shopping Channel. Kudos to Sony for not trying to abase my dignity with cheeseball marketing schtick. I would give them a double kudos for having the balls to release the world's first truly region-free game console (as I understand it, Japan and the US are even in the same blu-ray region), but while you can play any game on any system regardless of territory, it seems you can only purchase PS Store downloads with a credit card registered in the country you're buying from. That chaps my ass, because there's 3 times as much stuff on the Japanese PlayStation store as the squalid US store. Free stuff such as game movies and demos can be downloaded without any problems, but anything that requires a charge is off-limits unless you happen to have a credit card registered to a physical address in Japan. As I understand it, Sony has some kind of "point card" system in the works - with luck, those cards will be available to import through online retailers. Otherwise, I fear I have no hope of ever playing Piyotama.

Anyway, I downloaded a few demos. Gran Turismo HD is as shiny and elitist as the console itself - the lighting effects are particularly sweet. There are a few cars to unlock, but only one course that I can see. Playing it with the regular controller I realized how sorely I miss the vibration feedback. I remember years ago the original GT was the game that won me over to controller vibration in the first place - prior to that, I thought the notion absurd. GTHD does support a number of steering wheel peripherals, but I didn't really feel like unearthing my GT Force Pro for a demo, so. I ran a couple rounds with Ridge Racer 7 and Ninja Gaiden, but there's not much to say about either. Ridge Racer is a tech demo while Ninja Gaiden is the same game it was on Xbox except with richer textures. The rubber duckie game is cute and makes fun use of the Six Axis' tilt functions. I'd buy it if it were 3 or 4 bucks cheaper. I was really interested in FolksSoul for a while because I somehow got the impression it was an RPG - it turns out it's just a humdrum hack & slash of the Dynasty Warriors variety, though it does have some intriguing art direction.

By far and away the grand champion of the demo inspection is Mainichi Issho, which defies all description. It's based on characters from Doko Demo Issho, a sort of comical virtual pet sim that's apparently been around since the PS1 days. These two wacky cats, Toro and Kuro, do these news broadcast skits that are added 2 or 3 times a week. Sometimes they talk about recent releases or miscellaneous schtick (like novelty mailboxes) and sometimes they just slap each other around, but it's so ridiculously Japanese and happy and wonderful that it positively rejuvenates my soul. When I sit and rack my brain with the sparse, pitiable, self-taught snippets of Japanese I know, I can only ever make out about a fourth of what the characters are saying (I do really awful on their occasional quizzes), but it's so chicken soup soothing I hardly care.

The only proper, full-blown game I got is Virtua Fighter 5, which I've actually had sitting on my shelf for months, along with the Virtua Stick High Grade. I have a very peculiar relationship with the VF series - it's like a delectable chunk of candy that's too rich for my constitution. I caress it lovingly and even take a cautious taste now and again, but it's been years and years since I've been able to give it the kind of commitment it deserves and indeed demands. People complain about this one because the training mode lacks the piont-by-point detail of VF4's, but really, who wants to sit through reams and reams of text just to learn how to play? The only way to appreciate a game of this unrivaled depth is to dive in and learn through trial and error.

I didn't play VF4 too extensively, but it's pretty obvious that this one isn't as huge an evolution. I seem to have lost nearly all the mad skillz I possessed in the VF2 era, though I am nonetheless surprised at how many combos I remember by instinct. Shun-di, my long-time favorite, has (finally) been given a couple of reversals. He now looks more like an actual old Chinese hermit with a thinner beard and some very impressive eyebrows. Vanessa, who was a bit muscularly gross in VF4, has been made super fine and shows enough cleavage to rival Itagaki's girls. Jacky and Lion still sound retarded. Sarah looks more and more ridiculous with each new iteration, leading me to believe that AM2's artists have absolutely no idea how to model an attractive blonde woman. Jeffry, while thankfully not as gay as he was in VF4, now sports thick forests of greasy body hair. Lau, who is, according to the story, suffering from a fatal disease, looks quite dead already. I still hate Brad and Goh, but the two new characters are cool. Eileen uses monkey kung-fu, which I've wanted to see in the series for years. I hated El Blaze until I actually saw him in combat - that dude is practically a midget. He's so short he totally stands out from the rest of the cast. I still find the overall art direction a bit on the brash side - VF3 was the pinnacle of the series as far as aesthetics, I think - but it's not as hard-edged as the last one.



So yeah, it turns out that I am still Kutaragi's boy. 360 is fun in a quaint sort of way with all its silly "achievements" and "gamer rankings" and like fluff. Wii is cute if you wear Hot Topic T-shirts and can aspire to no greater gaming joy than waiting for your grandmother to finish waving a magic wand around so you can have your turn playing a tennis game that in terms of depth and structure would be equally at home on an Atari 2600. But there's no such debauchery in Sony's world. The PS3 is dollars, gloss, and unapologetic white elitism. It gives me hope for the future.

I think next I might buy a private island off the coast of Dubai.

[Black Rook]

It's a game console for adults. Not just any stoner, beer-chugging, Homer Simpson idolizing trailer park adults - wine-drinking, Cuban cigar-smoking, business-section reading adults who spend their summers playing golf in Ireland.

The PS3 is dollars, gloss, and unapologetic white elitism. It gives me hope for the future.

You, sir, have single-handedly destroyed my self-image and have made me question my purchases. Now, I must buy one of these monstrosities, so that I may join the elite. The price of high society is only $500! It's a shame I can't become white, though. Perhaps with reconstructive surgery?

And now to buy multiple copies of Blu-Ray movies to view on my new Blu-Ray Player/game thing.

[Zeta]

I can't become white, though. Perhaps with reconstructive surgery?

IT WORKED FOR MICHEAL JACKSON!

[Ritz]

Shun-di, my long-time favorite

My brother.

I don't have much to say in this matter, as I've sort of taken a backseat to this generation of consoles, other than the fact that I'll be citing this summary often when the petty fanboy wars roll around. Cheers.

[Majestic Joey]

The best thing about Lion is his annoying voice. It really can get on the other players nerves and throw them off their game.

"I want a serious fight."

"You'd better take me seriously."

"What a knucklehead."

Dan is probably the only other character that can rival his arrogance.
Oh, and I love his new losing quote.

"I wasn't supposed to be this weak..." and then he throws a tantrum. It's freaking hilarious.

[Segaholic2]

So do you have a 1080p TV or not?

[Wooduck51]

Thanks to you gibbon for the first and only time in life I momentarily wanted a PS3, you described it as a beautiful machine, and an epitome of human engineering, not an over priced soul eater with what I still suspect is a rip off function. If indeed I was made of money I would buy two simply because they look like a masterpiece of art, but for the price of one PS3 I secured my Wii and a nice Surround system to go with my 37 inch HD tv(which displays 1080p). Hell, for the price of a PS3 I got a Korean made digital incubator that sings to the eggs and folds my clothes for me.

Now if the PS3 floated on the other hand.........

[Isuka]

... Well, since I'm not totally in love with everything Japanese just for the fact of being Japanese (infact I think 90% of this things totally suck, while the other 10% more than make up for it) I don't feel the slightest need of a PlayStation 3, nor a Wii.
I don't hate the PS3, though it's pretty difficult to ignore how many "ideas" Sony borrowed from both Microsoft and Nintendo (and even SEGA in it's time), and how much false shit Kutaragi spewed about the capabilities of this new machine, and the lack of vibration and blah blah; I'd definitely buy it if it really had games that you can't play anywhere else that actually rock (I still feel Virtua Fighter 5 is just about the only thing to list, and it's pretty much the same game as VF4 Evolution... and, well, it's being polished for it's 360 debut) and make the asking tag look almost sane.

But it's true that all three systems have many faults that prevent a good bunch of people from taking the firm decision of buying them (well, except for the minimalistic, overly kiddie Wii), be it hardware failures or lack of software. I really can't help but wait... and also save for a HD TV, these consoles are pointless without one.

[MiraiTails]

Questions for 60GB PS3 Owners:

Can you backup game saves, downloads and the like to a MS/SD/CF Card?

You can also put in your own larger HDD as well, right?

The "non-proprietariness" of the PS3 definitely makes it superior to the 360 in that area.

Incidentally, it seems that Gamestop has some left over stock of the 20GB PS3 that they are selling for $449.99 US.

[Shadow Hog]

Do I want a PS3? Vaguely, yeah. But there's really not a whole lot for it right now that jumps out and screams "THIS MAKES THE WHOLE THING WORTH $500"... not yet, anyway. Even if you factor in that I never owned a PS2, it'd still be cheaper to, well, buy a PS2.

Actually, scoff if you must, but most of the games coming out right now that interest me are for the Wii, anyway. No, not campy things like Wii Fit or Wii Remote Mini-Game Bundle #235, but things like <i>Metroid</i> or <i>Super Mario Galaxy</i> or <i>Brawl</i> (<b>duh</b>) or perhaps even <i>NiGHTS</i> depending on how badly they mess it up and so on. Not to mention, the selection on the Virtual Console is pretty consistently superb; I'm playing <i>Paper Mario</i> for the first time in my entire life, thanks to it (although I had played <i>Thousand Year Door</i> to near completion and <i>Super Paper Mario</i> TO completion, so I have SOME experience with the flat plumber), and still eagerly awaiting <i>Super Metroid</i> so I can say I legitly own a copy of the game. Although I'd kinda like Sega to start putting out some third-party stuff in their Genesis selection (Treasure notwithstanding); things like <i>Castlevania Bloodlines</i>, mayhaps. (I mean, with the recently released <i>Portrait of Ruin</i> being a direct sequel to it, it'd only make perfect sense, you know?)

[Cuckooguy]

I will get a PS3 when they make the slim version.

Hey, I didn't own a PS2 until the slim version came out. I'll probably sooner buy a Wii because of the backward compatibility so I can play GC games I missed out on since I don't own a Gamecube (I'm borrowing one from a friend and have only played a couple of titles). In the end, I'm still indifferent about this generation of gaming consoles, at least so far. Well, we'll see how things turn out.

[Popcorn]

In theory, I like the PS3 a lot. It's a powerful games machine and it presumably doesn't require me to lift my wrists every time I want to attack something. I mean, seriously, this is meant to be the ultimate in couch potato entertainment. I don't want to get weighed.

Still, doesn't change the fact that there won't be a damn thing I want to buy on it until it's been out for more than a year, when MGS4 drops. Even then, I may have to wait until I can smell what Fumito Ueda is cooking before I make the investment: that's a lot of money. And I don't know about any of you other bastards, but I'm still on non-widescreen CRT gaming, here. I remember when having a TV with a SCART socket was a thrill.

[Wooduck51]

In theory, I like the PS3 a lot. It's a powerful games machine and it presumably doesn't require me to lift my wrists every time I want to attack something. I mean, seriously, this is meant to be the ultimate in couch potato entertainment. I don't want to get weighed

I find this funny because I have found that I can play games in an even more relaxed couch potato manner with the Wii controller than a regular control pad, even while flailing my wrists I am more relaxed.

And if you can stand a little time devoted to something annoying you should look for some "GET A TV FREE" internet ads, I would suggest consumer rewards, for about $200 you can get a wide screen television of high quality. Just set up a dummy e-mail account, make sure you keep track of when to cancel trials, and of course you will need a credit card. Not that CRT tv's aren't good, I dearly loved my little stereo CRT, still have it in my room waiting to be put back into service.

[Isuka]

Although I'd kinda like Sega to start putting out some third-party stuff in their Genesis selection (Treasure notwithstanding)

I'd really appreciate it if Konami released the Sparkster/ Rocket Knight Adventures games on the Virtual Console and/ or Xbox Live Arcade. They didn't show up anywhere out of their respective original releases, did they? Even a PSP or DS release would be fine, just so to know that someone there remembers the opossum.

[Double-S-]

What Popcorn said: there's nothing on the PS3 that makes it worth getting until MGS4 comes out. Any other of its good games are on or will be coming to the Xbox 360.

[Esrever]

But guys, it's large and shiny and it has a lot of ports! That makes it for "adults."

[Ritz]

What Popcorn said: there's nothing on the PS3 that makes it worth getting until MGS4 comes out. Any other of its good games are on or will be coming to the Xbox 360.

Little Big Planet.

[Green Gibbon!]

So do you have a 1080p TV or not?

No, alas, only 1080i. It's only a 26 inch, though, and as I am told, at that size it shouldn't make a whole heck of alot of difference.

I myself am more interested in Little Big Planet and Boku no Natsu Yasumi than Metal Gear, though maybe my glossy new toy will be enough to convince me to venture into Kojima's death trap again. I might even play Gran Turismo 5.

[Delphine]

But guys, it's large and shiny and it has a lot of ports! That makes it for "adults."

Hehe, ports.

[Green Gibbon!]

One thing that concerns me is how much heat this monster can generate. Like damn. It gets hot. You could fry an egg on it. Sony doesn't exactly have a pristine track record for durability and I just know one day before all's said and done I'm going to power on my system and there in big, glorious, high-definition letters will be the message: "DISC READ ERROR - SUCK IT"

[Esrever]

What's the warranty like? Maybe you can purposely fry it just before it runs out.

[Light Speed]

That's one nice thing about the 360, even though its a failing piece of shit, they'll fix it for you. They extended the warranty up to three years now if the right fuck up happens. I sent mine in right before the year expired just because I could.

[Green Gibbon!]

Someone told me something about that, but he's crazy so I never pay attention to him. What kind of problems are 360's supposed to be having? I haven't encountered any issues with mine yet, but it's not even a year old. Should I be worried?

[Senbei]

360 problems have been a big controversy lately. The two I can think of offhand are the Red Ring of Death, which essentially constitutes a general hardware failure, and the disc-scratching problem caused by moving the 360 around when a disc is still inside it. Microsoft has acknowledged both and the Red Ring thing is the reason for the warrenty extension. Personally, had I the money, I don't think I'd comfortable buying a 360 until they've got all these problems with it sorted out, which I don't see happening unless they release a new model or something. Come to think of it, does the Elite suffer from these problems too?

[Isuka]

Yes, it does.

Oh, and watch out for Forza Motorsport 2, it bricks consoles too.

EDIT: Official word.