An Essay

CE · Post by CE » Sat Jun 11, 2005 10:58 pm

My little brother has to turn in a marketing essay for a marketing class he's taking. Being extremely lazy, he has asked me to write it for him. I thought it would be a better idea to have everybody in th GHZ write it for him. He only needs a 15% to get an A in the class, so content really doesn't matter.

I'll start:

Marketing is a very important skill to have.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:04 pm

Many things would not be possible without marketing. For example, a television advertisement is a form of marketing.

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:18 pm

The trick to marketing is to identify and cultivate the inherent stupidity within the viewer. Being the grand majority of any population, stupid people offer the most lucrative market. A good advertisement is one that promotes ignorance.

Locit · Post by **Locit** » Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:51 pm

Using sex is key. Breast pumps, for example, need not only be marketed to pregnant women. Fifteen year old boys will buy them if there is enough mammarial exposure.

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:56 pm

(What a great thread!)

By aiming to this lowest common denominator, the benefit is twofold. Not only is the marketer assured of directing the product at the largest possible audience, but it also requires less effort than creating a highbrow advertisement. For example, strippers market their bodies. However, they are not completely offering their body as a product - unlike prostitutes, you can not fuck a stripper legally in exchange for money. Since most of the denizens of strip clubs are either (a) college kids or (b) the dirty rednecks that work at this fine educational facility, they are usually drunk and/or lonely enough to pay these filthy cockteases exorbitant amounts of money for the illusion of sex. Also, it is a fact that strippers are rarely very attractive.

Another form of marketing is the holocaust, which is a complete scam.

Post by **Esrever** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:11 am

Ads are on TV! But sometimes they are also in magazines.

Professor Machenstein · Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:41 am

Promises of human pleasure impertinent to the sole cause of a product can also be associated with marketing. Take deodorant for instance; with marketing, deodorant can attract the ladies. With a couple squirts of this divine potion and you will become a chick magnet. Without the world of advertising, such a thing couldn't be more exaggerated. In reality, it takes more than a commercial item to gain the interest of another. Marketing may be a world of empty promise, but it's more of a half-blessing. Without advertisements or television commercials, how could one find out about a product he or she might cheerish someday? Whether it's video games, a brand of soda, or an electronic talking bear, one could of first found out about these through marketing. Commercialism may appear to be a harsh thing, but simultaneously can prove to be quite beneficial.

-wyvern · Post by **-wyvern** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 4:11 am

Please ignore that previous paragraph, I went temporarily insane. I also forgot to mention that a significant proportion of deodorant commercials are designed by satan to create the most annoying waste of somebody's time that can still technically be called a product advertisement.

Professor Machenstein · Sun Jun 12, 2005 4:35 am

It's because I spoke those words, isn't it. "Let's ignore every knowledgeable thing the Professor has to say, since he's only been around *Uses finger-to-thumb to express the length* this long." Is that it? Is this suppose to be some sort of elite clan where the only requirement for approval is to be around for some period of time? If that is so, then curse all humanity!

-wyvern · Post by **-wyvern** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 4:41 am

No, it was because it was really complex and serious and clashed horribly with all the boobies etc. I was joking. I'm sure I PMed you about relaxing more.

On with the show.

Professor Machenstein · Sun Jun 12, 2005 4:42 am

-wyvern wrote:No. I was joking.

So was I.

DarkPrime · Post by **DarkPrime** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:22 am

One important aspect of marketing is getting your customer to want your product. In fact, you want them to need it, and keep them coming back to you for it. Let's use Crack as an example. If you offer your Crack for free initially or at a heavily discounted rate, the customer will come back to you looking for the same deal. You can then begin raising your rates, telling the customer that it is becoming hard to get. This is called "supply and demand". Competition is another factor of marketing. You want to eliminate all competition, so that you control the market. Homie up the block think he can deal more freebase than you, he trippin'. Convince your customer that you can lower your prices if your competition is eliminated. Get him to do a drive-by on your competitor. This is called "Aggressive Market Infiltration". Once all of your competition is eliminated, you can begin selling your product to a willing and needy "market segment", the crackfiends.

Double-S- · Post by **Double-S-** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:27 am

Man, Omni's old posts were bad just because he posted when he had nothing to say. But you, you post when you want to, and yet they suck worse than his did. Stop with the self pity, already.

DarkPrime · Post by **DarkPrime** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:36 am

Was that directed at me or the Professor?

Brazillian Cara · Post by **Brazillian Cara** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 11:39 am

I dunno. But, back to topic, it's good to have a nice actor selling your product. If Leo de Caprio sells rocks, it's more likely that people will buy those rocks, even if they can get them for free.

plasticwingsband · Post by **plasticwingsband** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:09 pm

I've heard that Marketing is a type of fish. A delicious type of fish.

Kishi · Post by **Kishi** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:12 pm

Watch out for snakes!

plasticwingsband · Post by **plasticwingsband** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:16 pm

ASS is, of course, an important part of Marketing.

Professor Machenstein · Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:59 pm

Double-S- wrote:Man, Omni's old posts were bad just because he posted when he had nothing to say. But you, you post when you want to, and yet they suck worse than his did. Stop with the self pity, already.

Professor Machenstein wrote:
-wyvern wrote:No. I was joking.
So was I.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 1:37 pm

CE must scan in the final graded paper for us to see when this is all over.

Professor Machenstein · Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:40 pm

CE, do you know if your little brother will have to read the essay in front of the class? Make a few adjustments just in case.

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:42 pm

I think it's worth at least a 15%.

I personally would give it an A-.

Baba O'Reily · Post by **Baba O'Reily** » Sun Jun 12, 2005 5:55 pm

Marketing is also very cool. One technique of marketing is 'All the cool kids are doing it', designed by Thomas Jefferson to promote the American Revolution.

muke · Post by **muke** » Mon Jun 13, 2005 3:50 pm

Also, when one thinks of marketing in terms of advertising, it can be said that this practice has stuck around with the human race for ages because it is an important way to fill up space. Imagine a newspaper where there's at least four stories on every page or a half-hour show that lasts exactly 30 minutes? Since nobody can really do that, members of the media decided many eons ago to create a pact with those that sell products so that, while the inventors and businesses of the world get their message out in a quarter-panel block of amusement or a 30-second timespan of amazement, the media can rest assured that they will never have to give their full effort to fill space ever again.

CE · Post by CE » Tue Jun 14, 2005 9:19 am

The essay is due today; let's see what we've got.

Marketing is a very important skill to have. Many things would not be possible without marketing. For example, a television advertisement is a form of marketing. The trick to marketing is to identify and cultivate the inherent stupidity within the viewer. Being the grand majority of any population, stupid people offer the most lucrative market. A good advertisement is one that promotes ignorance. By aiming to this lowest common denominator, the benefit is twofold. Not only is the marketer assured of directing the product at the largest possible audience, but it also requires less effort than creating a highbrow advertisement. For example, strippers market their bodies. However, they are not completely offering their body as a product - unlike prostitutes, you can not fuck a stripper legally in exchange for money. Since most of the denizens of strip clubs are either (a) college kids or (b) the dirty rednecks that work at this fine educational facility, they are usually drunk and/or lonely enough to pay these filthy cockteases exorbitant amounts of money for the illusion of sex.

Using sex is key. Breast pumps, for example, need not only be marketed to pregnant women. Fifteen year old boys will buy them if there is enough mammarial exposure. Promises of human pleasure impertinent to the sole cause of a product can also be associated with marketing. Take deodorant for instance; with marketing, deodorant can attract the ladies. With a couple squirts of this divine potion and you will become a chick magnet. Without the world of advertising, such a thing couldn't be more exaggerated. In reality, it takes more than a commercial item to gain the interest of another. Marketing may be a world of empty promise, but it's more of a half-blessing. Without advertisements or television commercials, how could one find out about a product he or she might cheerish someday? Whether it's video games, a brand of soda, or an electronic talking bear, one could of first found out about these through marketing. Commercialism may appear to be a harsh thing, but simultaneously can prove to be quite beneficial.

One important aspect of marketing is getting your customer to want your product. In fact, you want them to need it, and keep them coming back to you for it. Let's use Crack as an example. If you offer your Crack for free initially or at a heavily discounted rate, the customer will come back to you looking for the same deal. You can then begin raising your rates, telling the customer that it is becoming hard to get. This is called "supply and demand". Competition is another factor of marketing. You want to eliminate all competition, so that you control the market. Homie up the block think he can deal more freebase than you, he trippin'. Convince your customer that you can lower your prices if your competition is eliminated. Get him to do a drive-by on your competitor. This is called "Aggressive Market Infiltration". Once all of your competition is eliminated, you can begin selling your product to a willing and needy "market segment", the crackfiends.

Marketing is also very cool. One technique of marketing is 'All the cool kids are doing it', designed by Thomas Jefferson to promote the American Revolution. It's good to have a nice actor selling your product. If Leo de Caprio sells rocks, it's more likely that people will buy those rocks, even if they can get them for free.

Also, when one thinks of marketing in terms of advertising, it can be said that this practice has stuck around with the human race for ages because it is an important way to fill up space. Imagine a newspaper where there's at least four stories on every page or a half-hour show that lasts exactly 30 minutes? Since nobody can really do that, members of the media decided many eons ago to create a pact with those that sell products so that, while the inventors and businesses of the world get their message out in a quarter-panel block of amusement or a 30-second timespan of amazement, the media can rest assured that they will never have to give their full effort to fill space ever again.

Because marketing feeds directly into our basic human desires and because it makes one sound intelligent with out having to actually learn anything, marketing is an extremely useful skill to have.

(Please ignore the previous essay, I went temporarily insane.)