So, you're a Tails fan?

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:28 am

Clean underwear is important people, don't you ever listen to the matriarchal figures in you life anymore?

They're the ones who are supposed to be washing the underwear!

Spazz · Post by **Spazz** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 9:16 am

Now <i>this</i> is the best thread ever!

-wyvern · Post by **-wyvern** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 11:04 am

Hmm. A thread that somehow combines both tails and underwear. Sorry, I just can't see whats so great about it, unless we end up with a flame war between mature matriachal ladies and sniggering teenage boys. But then it would only be great because boys outnumber girls and thus we would win.

</gross sarcasm>

I'm a fan of Tails (not the nutless wonder who does his voice over or his current character direction), but that forum is ridiculous.

Anyhow, I think tails is probably my favourite character too. He shares my unique brand of super intelligent gormlessness, although my sister likes knuckles. I'll never understand why.

I think it's likely half the people on that forum are trolls, and the other half are eight year old girls.

Post by **Delphine** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 12:15 pm

Green Gibbon! wrote:
Clean underwear is important people, don't you ever listen to the matriarchal figures in you life anymore?
They're the ones who are supposed to be washing the underwear!

Gibbon, if you think <i>any</i> woman is going to wash your nasty 4-day old crotchwear, you've got another thing coming.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 1:44 pm

Tails actually doesn't get as much credit as he deserves. He really was the Sonic franchise's first supporting character. And he's not too bad considering he came first. Most people do overlook him in favor of Knuckles, but Tails adequately fills the roll of sidekick - and better than some characters I could name. And he does it without drawing attention away from the main character, like a lot of videogame sidekicks (Daxter, Kazooie, flesh-eating zombies).

Thanks to this topic, I have decided that Tails needs to wear underwear.

Speaking of which, where do Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles keep those rings and Chaos Emeralds? The standard joke for that sort of thing is that the character shoves it up their ass or into some other oriface, but that doesn't really work here because Rings and Chaos Emeralds are so LARGE.

On another tangent, I wear briefs, because I don't like my goods flopping around in mid-air.

Also, please remember to change your underwear once a day. And always wear your sunscreen.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 2:46 pm

Sunscreen is for sissies.

And why can't they store large items in their orifices? Larger items just need a larger hole.

Post by **Popcorn** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 3:00 pm

Would anyone like to make a joke about my mother?

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 3:21 pm

Your mom is fat!

Post by Bo » Tue Jun 15, 2004 4:55 pm

In the SatAM cartoon, Sonic just carried around a ring, but rings were really rare items in that. I think the Archie comic issue where Sonic gets his billionth ring (#35?) had a pretty good explanation, in that he absorbs their energy (or whatever), and when he gets hit by a badnik, the energy is released and the rings re-form and scatter.
Where does Mario keep his coins, though? Wasn't that a riddle in the Super Mario Bros. 1 manual?

Spazz · Post by **Spazz** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:04 pm

Oh! I actually talked to Mario! I asked him where he puts all those coins, he said in his wallet. I asked him where he keeps his wallet, he said in his stomach. It was cool because he was in his Rock n' Roll outfit!

Ngangbius · Post by **Ngangbius** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:43 pm

Segaholic2 wrote:And why can't they store large items in their orifices? Larger items just need a larger hole.

So what is the maximum diameter of a hedgehog's asshole?

Spazz · Post by **Spazz** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:46 pm

Can hedgehogs stuff things in there cheeks like hamsters and other rodents?

-wyvern · Post by **-wyvern** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 6:22 pm

Wherever they go it's not up his ass. I mean, picture the mechanics of it - I'd like to see you try to run at supersonic speed with two hundred odd rings of metal the size of your head shoved up your rectal canal.

Seriously, I genuinely would.

I prefer the "rings are positive energy as matter" explaination. It involves quantum physics, and I like those so I can frighten drunken girls by telling them that if someone doesn't see them they don't exist.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 7:42 pm

Oh! I actually talked to Mario! I asked him where he puts all those coins, he said in his wallet. I asked him where he keeps his wallet, he said in his stomach. It was cool because he was in his Rock n' Roll outfit!

You're getting Mario mixed up with Tomba! Seriously, that was a game a bout a pink-haired caveman in nothing but a grass skirt who ran around fucking pigs.

Really.

And he did keep his inventory in his pants.

As for Mario, I just assume he has really big pockets in his trousers.

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 7:43 pm

Gibbon, if you think any woman is going to wash your nasty 4-day old crotchwear, you've got another thing coming.

My woman will wash what I tell her to wash. If she argues I'll cut off her allowance.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:06 pm

Green Gibbon! wrote:
Gibbon, if you think any woman is going to wash your nasty 4-day old crotchwear, you've got another thing coming.
My woman will wash what I tell her to wash. If she argues I'll cut off her allowance.

With that kind of attitude, don't be shocked if your woman cuts off something of yours . . .

J.C.14 · Post by **J.C.14** » Tue Jun 15, 2004 8:16 pm

Zeta wrote:With that kind of attitude, don't be shocked if your woman cuts off something of yours . . .

Oh, You mean his foot...

Wait, you don't mean his foot...ah, well...send it to my sister and she'll think it's a fish...crotchfish

j-man · Post by **j-man** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 3:42 pm

I've met many girls with nastier "crotchwear" than I, and that's clean on. My undergarments are a bed of roses by comparison even after 4 days of laziness (a rare occurrence, I treat my groin with respect by changing underoos every morning). I prefer the loose, all-cotton plaid boxer myself.

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 4:37 pm

With that kind of attitude, don't be shocked if your woman cuts off something of yours . . .

That's an impossibility. For one thing, it's way too thick to be cut with any earthly materials. Secondly, she wouldn't even think about cutting it off because it means she'd never be able to use it again. It will be like a god to her.

My dong is the key to world-domination.

Swift the Hedgehog · Post by **Swift the Hedgehog** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 4:44 pm

Ahem. Back on the subject of Tails.

That link is pathetic, and that forum is idiotic. SomethingAwful constantly bashes Sonic. I like Tails, but not as much as that forum does.

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 7:05 pm

I think the general feeling among the Something Awful writers and forum-goers isn't that they dislike Sonic or are necessairly "bashing" him; rather, it's the current direction of the series. I think you could say the same for many here.

Personally, I can't think of a Sonic game that's knocked my socks off since Sonic Adventure. I think that's mainly 'cause at the time I was like, "omg!!! 3-D Sonic!!!" because the game hasn't aged very well. The big four are the only ones I can truly call great games.

aso · Post by **aso** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 7:17 pm

Here's an exact quote, from the top of their Weekend Web article there...

The Tails Board is dedicated to Miles "Tails" Prower from the Sonic the Hedgehog games, a series which should have been laid to rest roughly eight years ago.

From what I've gleaned of their comments on Sonic, they thought that the main Genesis games (1, 2, 3, & Knuckles) were fine. Everything beyond that was, well, not as good. Actually a reasonable attitude.

And I haven't found a Sonic game I've really hated yet (beyond Sonic 2 for GG). Then again, I haven't played all of Sonic Heroes yet...

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 7:43 pm

The more I think about it the more it seems like we are the only ones that really liked Sonic Adventure. Is it really a horrible game and we are just blinded by fanboyism? I still think it is great, decent storyline, Sonic's gameplay kicks ass, etc. Yet whenever I ask most Non-Sonic obsessors they seem to think it sucks. Hrm... are we really that biased?

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Jun 16, 2004 8:42 pm

The main problem with Sonic Adventure was that it was incomplete. There was alot of "wow" factor involved at the time, and I think everyone assumed it could only improve in future installments. Unfortunately, it gets worse and worse, and it's true to say that even the original SA hasn't aged well at all.

It still deserves alot of credit for effort. It couldn't have been easy to bring a game like Sonic into 3D, and they had some clever, creative ideas. Unfortunately, they didn't germinate enough, and now they're building the new games around the worst ideas from the previous ones.

Although, why does anyone give a fuck what Something Awful thinks in the first place? Are their opinions more viable because they're published?

Post by **Esrever** » Thu Jun 17, 2004 3:18 pm

Yes!

Sonic Adventure DX is probably the greatest tragedy in the history of the hedgehog. The original sufferred from a spazzy camera, severe collission detection bugs, a lousy framerate, short draw distance, and poorly paced and acted cut scenes. But in my opinion, it still had a rock solid core of cool levels and enjoyable gameplay. Sonic was the focus, while all of the secondary characters were amusing diversions with games that were appropriately shorter and secondary to Sonic's. The bosses were cool. The level design was solid, albiet a bit too linear. The story was great... it just could have been presented better. All of the right ingredients were there.

If any game in the Sonic series was screaming out to have a real "deluxe" treatment, one akin to Silicon Knights rehash of MGS, it was Sonic Adventure. Because, in my opinion, if those aforementioned technical weaknesses were eliminated, we would have a true platforming classic on our hands -- one I wouldn't be embarassed to speak of in the same sentence as Mario 64 and Rayman 2.

But you all know what we got instead. Sad, really.