Letters from a Stalker

[Grant]

Alright, so four days ago I'm at the graduation party for a friend of mine and she begins telling me about this kid that we both knew who apparently had a crush on her all throughout junior high and our freshman and sophomore years of High School. Being a girl, she's kept everything she ever received ever, including letters from deranged stalkers. Naturally, I had to have a look and when I finished reading through all of the letters from him, I caught my breath from laughing so hard and insisted on getting copies of them.

So, I have them here in my hand and as of yet haven't really decided what to do with them yet. Posting them on this forum seems logical to me, I guess.

Before I begin to type them up, let me preface it a bit. This guy, Josh, I already knew he was kind of a creepy fella. He could even quite possibly give the infamous "Andy" a run for his money. See, Josh was made fun of regularly by... well, just about everyone. He was pretty heavy and had a voice that sounded like a clown sucking on helium. I'd have felt bad for him if he didn't constantly act like a complete retard. He's the type of guy that doesn't really have any personality at all, so he tries to fake being everything. He's the type of guy who will shout out things in class, hoping for a cacophony of laughter from his fellow classmates, but is rewarded with only silence. He's the type of guy that, as a freshman, always tried to hang out with the seniors and was continually rejected. Basically, he's a loser and a phony. I think we've all probably known someone like Josh at one point or another.

And so, this is one such attempt to be someone he isn't. Misti, the girl in question, is Josh's exact opposite. She's pretty, funny and gets along with just about everyone. Not someone you'd talk philosphy with, but enjoyable nonetheless.

One more aside before I type out the love notes: There are an abundance of little scribbles on these, where he wrote one thing and changed his mind, scribbled it out and then wrote something else. It's one of the funniest parts of the whole thing and it definitely makes me regret not having a scanner. I'll put in parenthesis what I can make out from the scribbles.

Also, I have not altered these fantastic documents in anyway. Every spelling error you notice is actually in the letter, every odd punctuation or strange capitalization or word omissions is not a mistake of mine, they are actually in the letter.




The first one isn't a note, exactly. You see, every Valentine's Day, the cheerleaders of our High School would have it set up so you could buy someone flowers and they would deliver them to the person you want during one of their classes. They costed, I think, a dollar a piece. Josh, stud that he is, bought her five. This is the beginning of their correspondance and it seems like Josh wanted to be her "secret admirer" for awhile. He must not've thought about it too much, since he began to write "From: Josh" but scribbled it out.

Happy Valentine's Day!!
Thank You for Supporting EHS Cheerleaders and Majorettes!
To: Misti
(scribbled out: From:)
Can you give me one chance
I am in your enrichment class



Josh's "secret admirer" phase didn't last long. He left this note in Misti's locker the next day.

Misti-
Hi. This is Josh. I Know who sent (thous) Those carnations. I did. I was just considering the thought of (scribble) taking you to the dance to night. If you want to go with me You can call me at [his phone number]. And if you don't want (th) I (guess that is a fact ---) will guess that is alright with me. So if you do I'll talk to you later.
-Josh G.


Here he begins trying to be romantic:

Misti-
Words can't (explain) say how I (fell) feel when I ('m) see you. On valentinesday wHen I gave you those flowers, everybody I know was shocked (scribble) on how many. That is how much I care about you. I would risk my self for you. I would do anything to have you. Please tell me what you think. My locker is 731.

-Josh

He skips past the romance this time and gets right into it..

Misti -
I would like to know what you think of me. Because I want to change for you to change your mind about seeing (so)me(body). I was also thinking of takine somebody to minnesota this (June) July Like going to Mall of america and other neat places. Because I am in (scribble) my uncles wedding and I was going to take somebody, and I was hoping it would be you.
-Josh

It's unfortunate that I only have a copy of Josh's letters to Misti. I can only imagine what she wrote that prompted this response..

Misti-
Can you please tell me what I can do. I want to take yOu outTHis weekend to show (---uth) you (who) who I am really like. I would do anything for you. (I'll take) I was wondering, did you like those flowers I got for you. Please respond.
-Josh

From what she told me, her responses kept getting harsher and harsher as this wore on. I'm guessing she replied something like, "I don't like you, go away, you're not my type, I don't want to be seen with you".

Misti-
Can we please work something out. Can you please tell me what is your type is. Can you trust me (on) on something. When you (said you'd nev--) said you knew what kind of person I am. That was with (peo--) kids I know. (A) Now with you on the other hand I would (th) treat you way different. Can you please lEt me take you somewheRe to show you how different I am. I'm on my knees asking you. PLease. ( ")" ) (I'm) I'll treat you to a restraught. To show you who I am. (I'm do -----------ash) I am a way different person. Just one chance. I t wont hurt you. After that one time then (scribble) you decide
-Josh

This is my favorite letter. The desperation hits a new level..

Misti-
Please tell what I can do to change Your mind. PLEASE tell me. I'll do any thing for you. Just please tell me. Plus what you think I was last year, (scribble) don't even think about it. I've changed A LOT. So please judge me on what I did last year. Let me take you out somewere to show you. I'll show you I've changed. What I did last year was with people I know. Now with you around I'm different. Just give me a chance to show (you) you how I('m) am.
-Josh

Josh attempts poetry. This is the only typed letter (except the "PS" part).

Misti-
From the first day I seen you
There was a gleaming light
Even though it was bright
It was hard to look away

It just took one day
That I knew
That the bright light
Was just and only you!

Now that you know would you please just give me ONE chance to show you who I am like. After that you decide what you want to do then.

-Josh

P.S. Early sunday is o.k. for me.


He's gotten so comfortable he doesn't need to sign his name!

Misti-
I was thinking if I could take you somewere(this weekend) this sunday. I can change your mind a Bout me. I can show you that I am different outside of school. Let me treat you (somewere) to a resteraunt.


Now he's getting pushy and desperate! Tsk, tsk.

Misti-
I need to know to day if you (scribble) want (scribble) me take you somewere. Because I got to (te) tell my (boss) (neighbar) neighbor if I going to help him or not. So please tell me. Please. If anything it would be on Sunday. (scribble)
-Josh

Misti explained this last one to me. I guess Josh was writing her another letter, but accidentally left it behind on a desk or something. One of Misti's friends found it and began reading it and showed it to a few others. Misti caught her friend reading it and got completely embarassed that anyone would think that the two of them were a couple. She told me that as soon as she saw Josh, she just yelled at him and told him to stop writing her. He did, but not before this final letter.

-Misti-
I am so sorry for what happened this morning. PLEASE forgive me. I must of for got to put it in my pocket and then you know after that. I didn't want to humiliate you. I (scribble) swear. Please forgive me. If (you) you want to yell at me call me at [his phone number again] I under stand what happened
-Josh


And so concludes our love opera of the misguided Josh and repulsed Misti. Actually, I guess Josh went (uninvited) to her graduation party, too, before I got there. She said she made small talk and then pretty much ignored him while he was there, and that he hugged her at least three (3) times before he left.

I guess the love still lingers!

[BlazeHedgehog]

I dunno. Even if he is a dork and a loser, I can't help but feel a little sorry for the guy.

[Zeta]

Cripes. He was a little bit thick, but it still hits close to home. I went through a similar phase in highschool - only subtler. You have to be if you're hitting on guys - even in a roundabout way. So I feel sorry for the poor guy.

It is refreshing to see someone more inept at romance than I am, though.

[Segaholic2]

You have to be if you're hitting on guys

Wait, what? Must have confirmation on Zeta's gender NOW.

[Delphine]

Zeta has mentioned before that he's gay. On many occasions. Quite openly. Where were you?

[Segaholic2]

Really? I guess I wasn't paying attention.

[Radrappy]

is this board politically correct? I forgot.

[Segaholic2]

No.

[Delphine]

is this board politically correct? I forgot.

...why does that even matter?

[Grant]

I dunno. Even if he is a dork and a loser, I can't help but feel a little sorry for the guy.

I guess. Maybe if you knew him it'd be different. He's not a shy, hapless type loser that gets picked on only because he's fat or has an annoying voice. Just about all of the negative attention he received in High School was completely warranted. He acted like a complete retard.

But begging? Come on. He was getting more than just a little pathetic there. You should never have to beg a girl to go anywhere with you. If you have to beg, it isn't going to work.

I think the part that I like most about these letters is that he's begging this girl to give him a chance, to take this leap of faith on him, because he's going to work extra hard to change her opinion of him and he's going to treat her right and all of that.... and yet he doesn't take the time for her to think his letters out before writing them. Every single letter (except the typed one) is full of scribbles and scratch marks.

Not to mention the whole "if you want to yell at me, call me" thing...

[-wyvern]

This sounds like the romantic exploits of one friend of mine who's robotnik-like persistance is matched only by his physical and emotional ineptitude regarding love and fine ladies, although he was less the retard and more the stalker. When one girl he liked went out with someone else, I had presumed he'd stop ogling her. Did he stop? Did he hell. This habit has calmed down a bit, not least because of my infuriated entreates to get him to leave them alone and get a life, in the nicest possible terms. Sorry if I sound harsh on the guy, because he isn't a knob except when members of the opposite sex are involved. I just hate that kind of thing. It drives me up the wall...

[Radrappy]

I do kinda feel sorry for this guy. There's a guy at my HS kinda like this. Kinda chunky. . . REALLY bad hygene.. . . voice like a clown on helium. But he's got a little more guts than this guy. He asked like 10 girls out already up front and in their face. At a rally he made himself popular by screaming and rolling around on the gym floor not to mention falling over after completely missing the basket at the slam dunk contest. I think. . .I think . . . . My schools TV program has a clip of it online. Let's see

http://www.streamload.com/cbhs/KBFT/StevenCircus.wmv

yah. . .the clip pretty much explains it.

[Popcorn]

Oh man, that's freakin' tragic. When I was in school I wrote about this girl I liked in my LJ-- and when I say wrote I mean 'There's this girl I think is pretty hot', not 'I want to tie her up and whip her; tomorrow I think I'll follow her home'-- and some guys found my journal and printed it off and passed it round school. Needless to say, the girl wasn't particularly impressed. It's really not fun being humiliated like that.

[Bo]

Ouch. Although I think you were asking for it with a private journal that's on the Internet for all to see.

[Delphine]

Geeze dude, that's what friends-lock is for. And private-lock. And paper journals.

[Segata]

Wow. That's pretty sad. I must say that I'm among those who feel kind of sorry for him, not really for being rejected but for other people finding the note and putting Misti in a pretty difficult position where she definitely had to get rid of him.

[Neo Yi]

I only thought this happens in movies...

I have two minds for that kid. I pity him for what he has gone through, pity him for his obsession for that girl, pity him for being humilalited, and yet, I also feel no sorrow for him. He should have known the consquences. This was his own doing, his own fault.
~Neo

[Green Gibbon!]

There's no shame in being rejected, but to not know when to give up, you have to be an idiot. I have no sympathy for this jackweed. I'm good friends with a pretty (stupid) girl who is frequently hounded by idiots like this and it's utterly inconceivable to me that there exist so many foul, slimy fatheads who are evidently unaware of how fuck-ugly and uninteresting they are. I mean Jesus, I'm ugly and extremely uninteresting, but I know when I'm out of my league.

[Light Speed]

You have a league?

[Green Gibbon!]

You have a league?

Only your mother.

[j-man]

Ziiiing.

I can remember similar feelings of desperation. Many of us go through a baaad crush during the whole soap opera of early puberty, but man...I think this guy takes not only the cake but the whole bakery too. I do feel sorry for him, but sometimes you just gotta know when to give up, man. The spelling mistakes were funny, though.

Plus, he makes bad use of my name. I was, am and will be forevermore a pimp daddy of the highest order and my reputation must not be tarnished with frivolous stalking poppycock.

[Grant]

Just as long as everyone promises to never, ever, ever write poetry with lines like "from the first day I seen you." I mean, our high school was literally surrounded by cornfields, but c'mon... could ya sound more hick?

[Delphine]

I have been inspired. I only have two lines so far, but I think I can make something good out of this:

From the first day I seen you
I really wanted to bean you

I'll have to spend some more time on it.

[Bo]

My school really was surrounded by corn fields, too. And still is, but it's not "my school" anymore.
But "from the first day I seen you" should be at least an automatic punch in the stomach.

[Squirrelknight]

From the first day I seen you
I long to be pee'in on you
golden showers...in the month of june
nipples glisten in yellow nectar

Damn I should sell this stuff