Why you should apply the brakes:

Post by **Delphine** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:03 pm

Because then the car in front of you won't end up looking like this:

<img src=http://dontfeedthewriter.com/11t/damaged.jpg>

<img src=http://dontfeedthewriter.com/11t/damage2.jpg>

I never should have named it Cynthia.

Ngangbius · Post by **Ngangbius** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:15 pm

Is that the Jesus Fish sign crossed with Pac-Man? o_O

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:23 pm

Ha! That's rich.

I'd like to slap that on the back of some of my buddies' cars. It'd go great with their retarded Jesus fish and even more idiotic "Got Jesus?" bumper stickers.

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:29 pm

I saw a sign by a church today that said, "Got Jesus? if not calll this number" and I forgot the number. I thought it was pretty funny.

Oh and sorry about Cynthia, but the bitch had it coming.

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:00 pm

Well, that's what you get for having bumper stickers. It's bad karma.

Post by **Delphine** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:32 pm

Heh, yeah, that's a Penny arcade sticker. You can get ahold of it <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/pennyarcade/ot ... /">here</a>, but it's in their archives somewhere, so you can print your own, too.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:39 pm

Is that your car? *clueless*

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:15 pm

My old car finally gave out for good about four months ago. It was the first day of summer classes, actually. Classes were over and I was driving downtown with a buddy looking for a Blockbuster, when the steering just flat-fuck locked up in the middle of the street. I had just passed a light onto a quieter side road, thank goodness, but the darn thing just freaking froze and the car skidded several yards. We couldn't even push it off the road. Some cops showed up and they couldn't push it off, either. It took about an hour and a half for the freaking tow truck to show up, and I had to stand there in 100 degree heat, the only shade under a narrow telephone pole, with my car in the middle of the road. The poor old guy was put out of his misery for good after that incident.

So then I got Spam's old car. Not two weeks later, I was driving home from school on a rainy day, going down a back road I don't normally use because there was construction on the interstate. So I'm driving, approaching an intersection, and the car in front of me turns on his left signal, but pulls into the road on the right, where he paused. I couldn't figure out what he was doing, I figured he was trying to turn around or something, but he was well off the road and it seemed like he was waiting for me to pass, so I continued straight. So then the cockjammer pulls out right in front of me. Nobody was hurt, but the front end of my car was smashed up quite nicely, and was undrivable. His car had only a dent on the side, but no matter how you looked at it, it was obvious he had pulled out in front of me. Even if he had been coming from that side road, they had the stop sign. It baffled me how you could not see what had happened, but the idiot fag-ass state troopers ticketed both of us because there were no witnesses and "no evidence". I hope the other guy fucking chokes to death on his cousin's semen the next time he's going down on him. As for those outstandingly incompetent cops, it blows my mind how such idiots can work their way into positions of power.

I lose more faith in humanity with each passing day.

Locit · Post by **Locit** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:47 pm

Who's Spam?

Post by **Delphine** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:48 pm

Segaholic2 wrote:Is that your car? *clueless*

Yes. If it wasn't my car I wouldn't be whining about it.

And damn, Gibbon, you have bad car luck. Stay away from me, I'm bad enough as it is.

EDIT: Spam is Gibbon's brother.

...how do you not KNOW that?

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:04 pm

How come you can post a picture of your car's ass but not your face?

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:21 pm

Green Gibbon! wrote:How come you can post a picture of your car's ass but not your boobs?

His words.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:22 pm

Who says they're two seperate things?

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:28 pm

They might as well not be. To this day I couldn't tell you what a woman looks like from the chest-up. I assume there are eyes, probably a mouth.

Post by **Squirrelknight** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:53 pm

That's not so bad... At least your wheels are still attached.

My friend put new wheels on his car, and was driving down the street with his newly pimped out ride, when the car suddenly tilted to one side. He assumed he had just driven onto a big pot hole or something, until he looked out the window and saw one of his wheels rolling in the opposite direction.

Apparently he forgot to tighten his lugnuts. Oh well.

And why the hell do you drive a Mercury?!

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:54 pm

Wouldn't it be great if their boobies were on their face?

No, wait, that would be awful. Nevermind.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:58 pm

I totaled my mom's car whenever I was first learning how to drive. Of course, totaling a 300-dollar, 20-year-old Japanese shit-mobile isn't that hard to do. In the last four years, my parents have owned no less then six vehicles. Yokota clunkers they are called. Leaky trunk, no heat, no AC, broken side-door on the van, etc. My dad ended selling the van for a case of Samual Adams to one of our neighbors. We have yet to determine who got the better end of the deal.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:00 pm

They might as well not be. To this day I couldn't tell you what a woman looks like from the chest-up. I assume there are eyes, probably a mouth.

You must not think much of oral sex, then.

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:25 pm

Zeta wrote:
They might as well not be. To this day I couldn't tell you what a woman looks like from the chest-up. I assume there are eyes, probably a mouth.
You must not think much of oral sex, then.

Oh, is that what that is? I thought there was second vagina right above the throat.

You live and you learn.

j-man · Post by **j-man** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 4:00 am

I can't drive. Teh win.

However, when I do pass my test (now that I am legally able to) I'll buy a VW camper and spraypaint "J-Van" on the side. And smoke weed in it.

Post by **Popcorn** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 7:03 am

When I was reaching the end of primary school, most of the other boys were sort of getting all into cars and stuff. They'd point out cars in the street and ask me what kind my parents drive, that kind of stuff, and I'd never be able to tell them. To this very day I cannot identify any given car on the street: I simply don't get the romance involved. They're pragmatic instruments, completely devoid of any interesting features except for their capacity to transport people from point A to point B which is, as far as I'm concerned, the only thing they're worth thinking about for. You see people around town in super-duper sportsmobiles with fuckin' rocket boosters attached or something, which always struck me as being outrageously stupid because unless you live in a desert ranch or something, there's no way in hell you're going to be able to get up to a speed beyond that achievable in my buddy's decades-old Micra anyway. People are deluded.

Of course, I might just be bitter because I simply suck at driving. I started learning two years ago and I hated it from day fucking one, and to this day I still haven't even passed my freaking theory test. When I started learning, none of my friends had cars; now they're all cruising to college and work every fuckin' day while I'm still fucking up three-point turns and running red lights. One of them managed to pass his test within two months... there is no hope.

Neo Yi · Post by **Neo Yi** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 12:06 pm

Eh...considering my age (18), I still need me my driver's license before I end up in an accident.
~Neo

Post by **Delphine** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 12:18 pm

Green Gibbon! wrote:How come you can post a picture of your car's ass but not your face?

:P I'll post something one of these days. I'll try to get a shot where you can't see my double chin.

Squirrelknight wrote:And why the hell do you drive a Mercury?!

Hey, she's my first car, you know? I just wanted something that worked. And she did, the old girl worked just fine until some bitch decided she didn't need to use her brakes, she's just use my car to stop hers.

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:22 pm

One of my classes this semester is Geology 100, and the class is a joke. It's seriously pretty fuckin' retarded; there's no assignments or anything, and for god's sake, we're still covering the fact that the earth is made up of solid, liquids and gasses. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, because I suck in science.

Anyway, there's a girl in there that I'd swear was you, Delphine, if I didn't know any better. She's constantly making it known that she's not amused at all with the class or anyone's antics; always rolling her eyes and sighing loud and grumpily.

I don't think I've seen her smile once.

Of course, I think I've seen that same girl working at the Wendy's on campus. That'd make anyone grumpy.

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Thu Sep 23, 2004 3:57 pm

Dang, it looks like not a lot of us have our licenses. I just barely got mine a month ago and I'm 18. I just never needed it, I still don't but I wanted an ID and I figured I would need it eventually.

The GHZ Forum

Why you should apply the brakes:

Why you should apply the brakes:

Driving in Japan - the cars suck if you aren't Japanese