Happiness is a Warm Gun...

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 4:17 pm

Last night, I went to listen to a speaker for one of my classes. He was a Vietnam veteran and talked to us a lot about some of his experiences back then and how it is comparable to the current war going on. It actually wasn't a bad way to spend a class period.

One of the things that sort of startled me, though, was his insistence of the very real possibility of the re-instatement of the draft next year. Now, he was probably just trying to scare all of us into voting for Kerry instead of Bush, but it did get me thinking.

What would you do if there was a new military draft? If I recall correctly, you can't run to Canada anymore because now they'll just ship your ass right back.

So, that's my question for all of you strapping young men (and 3 women). What would you do in that situation, honestly?

P.S: The purpose of this thread is not to stir up some half-assed, jerkoff political argument. So, please, don't bother.

Also, I do realize a lot of posters here don't live in the US. So just pretend, jackass.

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 4:27 pm

I've always said I'd run to Canada if there was a draft. You just shot down that idea. I guess I'll just have to run to Fiji.

Post by **Popcorn** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 4:38 pm

I'd tell them I had cancer when I was a kid and pray they never noticed that they cured it.

I never understood how they did cure it, actually. Isn't it meant to be, like... incureable?

Post by **Delphine** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:12 pm

I almost hope they bring back the draft. People might start to wake up and realize this country is NOT where it should be. The government is supposed to work for the people, not the other way around.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:20 pm

Pray that they aren't as open to accepting gays in the military as they claim to be.

I never understood how they did cure it, actually. Isn't it meant to be, like... incureable?

Perhaps, like the Tick character, your body bonded with the cancer itself to become a living tumor - and thus invulnerable to the cancer's ill effects?

Post by **Popcorn** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:25 pm

your body bonded with the cancer itself to become a living tumor

Isn't that what a tumour is anyway?

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:37 pm

Well, I meant a "walking tumour". Instead of your body being threatened by a malevolent growth - you BECAME the malevolent growth.

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:48 pm

I'll get even fatter to the point where they can find no use for me. But yeah, let's see how many Nascar dads and the like are all excited and gung-ho over war when they have to go :\.

Segata · Post by **Segata** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:48 pm

Zeta wrote:Pray that they aren't as open to accepting gays in the military as they claim to be.

This is actually something I've been wondering about. I know there's a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but let's say no one asked but one told anyway. Honestly, would that probably get you off the hook?

WhoopA · Post by **WhoopA** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 5:50 pm

Even if they did bring back the draft, it'd take over half a year - 200 days - for the system to be ready to work. Most of the mandantory two year tour of service would be spent in training, and they wouldn't be able to see a return on their investent until the final months.

In the end, it'd be more trouble than it's worth. <a href="http://www.snopes.com/politics/military ... p">Nothing more than an urban legend.</a>

Post by **Squirrelknight** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:02 pm

Meh, I'd never make it through boot camp and basic training... My scrawny weakling ass has enough trouble just standing upright. Unless army training consists of DDR and Counterstrike, I doubt if I'll even make it past the physical.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:37 pm

Yeah, WhoopA made the same point I was going to. The draft isn't coming back.

Anyhow, I'd run to Canada. I was born there, and I still have my citizenship, so I can claim immunity. Even though I'm a US citizen too.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:40 pm

This is actually something I've been wondering about. I know there's a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but let's say no one asked but one told anyway. Honestly, would that probably get you off the hook?

Ideally, they'd make me make out with a hot-looking soldier to prove how gay I am.

Oh, and if not Canada - Mexico.

Besides, I have a feeling that the next war will be against Canada, anyways. Bush isn't going to let them hang onto their prime real-estate if he's re-elected. Those maple trees are hiding weapons of mass-destruction.

Certainly.

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:44 pm

I have flat feet. I'm safe as a kitten in a cradle.

Baba O'Reily · Post by **Baba O'Reily** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:54 pm

Amazing Grant is up a notch for having a topic named after a White Album song.
As for the draft... I'm underage, and I'll still be underage by the time the whole thing blows over.

plasticwingsband · Post by **plasticwingsband** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 6:57 pm

I'd kill myself sum goddamn Austrailians!

But, I'm pretty sure that my medical record would prevent me from joining anyway.

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:03 pm

Anyone remember that episode of the Wonder Years where the one dumbass son (not Fred Savage, the other one) tries to go into the military but they turn him away because he has a weird skin thing?

...Fuck you, talking about the draft reminded me of that.

Baba O'Reily · Post by **Baba O'Reily** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 7:06 pm

Sadly, I was a Wonder Years junkie, so I remember that.

Post by **Pepperidge** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 8:14 pm

Amazing Grant wrote:What would you do if there was a new military draft? If I recall correctly, you can't run to Canada anymore because now they'll just ship your ass right back.

Actually, I believe you can, but you have to get your ass up here BEFORE you actually get drafted.

Not that we want you, of course.

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:22 pm

Segata wrote:This is actually something I've been wondering about. I know there's a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but let's say no one asked but one told anyway. Honestly, would that probably get you off the hook?

I don't know. This is what my original plan was. If I say I'm gay, I won't have to go, right?

I mean, it's not like I'm going to have to suck any dicks to prove it, am I?

Segaholic2 wrote:Yeah, WhoopA made the same point I was going to. The draft isn't coming back.

I know. It was just a hypothetical, really. Mainly just curious if anyone was going to say "Oh yeah, I'd go. I'M A PATRIOT LIKE MEL GIBSON!!!!!11"

Babe O'Reily wrote:Amazing Grant is up a notch for having a topic named after a White Album song.

You know it, baby.

Pepperidge wrote:Actually, I believe you can, but you have to get your ass up here BEFORE you actually get drafted.

Well, that's a relief.

Not that we want you, of course.

Oh, snap.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:50 pm

<I>This is actually something I've been wondering about. I know there's a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, but let's say no one asked but one told anyway. Honestly, would that probably get you off the hook?</I>

Actually yes, but it might not be as easy as you think. If you persist, you will eventually get the boot. There was a lesbian who worked as an Army translator for Arabic and she decided that she couldn't "hide" anymore so she basically wrote a letter to her commanding officer saying she was a lesbian. Her CO threw the letter away and said "bullshit," presumably because translators (especially for middle eastern languages) are actually quite a specialized and select field in the Army, and there is a severe lack of them. Apparently because she wasn't acknowledged as a homosexual, she got in a frenzy and relentlessly made it clear that she had an alternate lifestyle. Needless to say she got kicked out.

I learned this because she was complaining about be kicked out in an editorial in Stars & Stripes. (Your Hometown Newspaper)

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:58 pm

I think I saw that porno once.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 9:58 pm

I don't know. This is what my original plan was. If I say I'm gay, I won't have to go, right?

I mean, it's not like I'm going to have to suck any dicks to prove it, am I?

Obviously, the solution for this problem is for me and Grant to make out in front of our CO. *nods*

I promise to be gentle.

I'm not obviously gay though, aside from the fact that I prefer cats over dogs. I might have to develop a lisp and a limp wrist.

But my last name starts with a "Z". So if they do it alphabetically, I won't have to worry about it.

I had a myriad of diseases as a child, too. Both mental and physical. I'm over them now. But I could have a "remission".

Between a history of asthma, chronic depression, and faggotry - I should be able to weasel my way out fairly effectively.

Grant · Post by **Grant** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:44 pm

Zeta wrote:Obviously, the solution for this problem is for me and Grant to make out in front of our CO. *nods*

I promise to be gentle.

Wow, I can honestly say that I've never been hit on by a gay guy before. *giggle*

(On a side note, I've never felt any gayer than when I typed out "giggle". Looks like it's time to break up with my girlfriend, gel my hair in a mohawk, get a Care Bears back pack and a Dorothy dress and then buy a rainbow flag!)

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 10:58 pm

Zeta wrote:Pray that they aren't as open to accepting gays in the military as they claim to be.

My roommate is in the Air Force ROTC and he just got a pamphlet recently with rules in it. One of the rules was clearly said you cannot have any sexual relations with members of the oppisite sex at all. Apparently it is only the Navy that allows gays.

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