Apocalypse WOW

Post by **Squirrelknight** » Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:31 pm

So I got dragged along to see Resident Evil Apocalypse by a few friends today. I'm glad I went.

That movie is fucking hilarious, in a completely unintentional way.

That movie is so ridiculous and stupid at times that its funny to watch... Some choice bits of douche baggery from this "movie"-- Jill is surrounded by Lickers inside a church, when, from out of no where, the main character girl bursts through the stain glass window with a motorcycle she got from out of nowhere, and hits the licker with it, and then the motorcycle drives UP a wall, and she shoots it and it blows up. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

There's also the most stereotypical black guy in the universe in it, and some completely unneccesary stripper zombies. Also hilarious: The Nemesis, who I suppose is supposed to be scary, looks like a big pile of melted gayness dressed in leather. He also moves around like a muppet made out of condoms. HAHAHAHAHA. Theres also a bunch of HILARIOUS zombie children. I started cracking up because when the zombie kids appeared, my friend commented out loud really loudly, "HAHAHAHA, dead kids!" And when we were leaving the theatre, someone asked another friend how the movie was, and he said "Hilarious!" and everyone kinda looked at us weird. They'll understand after they see that fucking motorcyle ride up a wall.

Oh yeah, and theres was this one part that mI was cracking up about-- It doesn't really sound funny when I explain it, but its hilarious when you see it-- (SPOILER) A helicopter crashes into the Nemesis, and a fucking chunk of the helicopter flies off and hits Milla "Flat-as-Idaho" Jolavich in the head. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Comedic gold.

So, all-in-all, RE: Apocalypse is not what you'd call a good movie in the traditional term, but it is extremely funny to watch, if for all the wrong reasons.
Its like seeing a car full of clowns get into a really bad accident-- It shouldn't be funny, but its so ridiculous, it just is.

If I didn't sneak in free for the movie, I'd feel ripped-off. But since it was free, sitting in a theatre and making stupid remarks about the stupid movie and ruining the other stupid people's good time was well worth the price. Which was zero.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Fri Sep 10, 2004 11:38 pm

I think me and my friends are going to go see it, just because we have to. You know.

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 12:31 am

Paul Anderson and Uwe Boll need to be shot in the face.

Rlan · Post by **Rlan** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 12:44 am

Anderson only wrote it the basic version, he didn't direct.

Post by **Squirrelknight** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 12:59 am

That doesn't mean he doesn't suck.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 2:45 am

Look what he did to AvP. Bastard.

Post by **Delphine** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:33 am

So the movie is just as cheesy and ridiculous as the games?

I may have to see this.

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 10:43 am

It should come in handy for you, the master of unlocking.

BlazeHedgehog · Post by **BlazeHedgehog** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 2:29 pm

Man, I knew the movie would be terrible just by the trailer. They were always pitching it as "The characters from the movie meet the characters from the game" but what it looked like is "We wrote a Resident Evil Mary-Sue fanfic".

j-man · Post by **j-man** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 3:50 pm

Green Gibbon! wrote:It should come in handy for you, the master of unlocking.

Thanks Barry. What is this all aboot? I can't figure it out at all...

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 4:25 pm

Sounds like a great date movie - er, for me an' my guy, anyways.

By the way, I guess Jill is actually a dude in drag - considering that she's not the Mistress of Unlocking.

j-man · Post by **j-man** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 4:30 pm

Are you just saying that to con yourself into finding her misshapen pixelly face attractive?

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 6:42 pm

I've never played much of the games. I had played some of Code Veronica that was supposedly one of the BEST RE'S EVAR on the Dreamcast some years ago, but got sick of it in maybe five minutes. I had this agile little white woman fighting through a graveyard of zombies walking at two miles per hour and it controlled as if she were an armored tank trying to make it's way through a playground. Fuck that.

BlazeHedgehog · Post by **BlazeHedgehog** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 6:44 pm

I never understood why people hated RE's control scheme. I had no problems with it.

Post by **Esrever** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 7:21 pm

Am I the only one who liked the first Res Evil movie OK?

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 7:51 pm

It pissed me off the way they never said the word "Zombie".

They're re-animated corpses that feed on human flesh. C'mon, people.

Post by **Squirrelknight** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 8:07 pm

Esrever wrote:Am I the only one who liked the first Res Evil movie OK?

Yes.

Post by **Esrever** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 8:13 pm

Well, I mean, it was kind of stupid. But then, so are the games, so it seemed pretty fitting.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 8:33 pm

There was certainly more work put into it than I had thought.

But they blew their wad too early. They had a ton of people go into the mansion and most of them get fucking sliced up by lasers. There was hardly anything left for the zombies to eat. I was screaming at the screen "You've only got three characters left to kill off you fuckers! You can't make good attack scenes with only three victims left!"

And they really couldn't.

Brazillian Cara · Post by **Brazillian Cara** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:01 pm

It's a shame videogames does'nt have many good movies.
I don't know wich is more ridiculous: Street Fighter (with Jean Claude- Van Damme) or Super Mario Bros.
Seriously, Guile is'nt the series main character! Why is he it in this "movie"? I guess it's because he's american.
And Yoshi looks like a velociraptor!!

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:12 pm

And Yoshi looks like a velociraptor!!

Arguably, an improvement. If he wasn't too small to ride around on.

Post by **Green Gibbon!** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 10:16 pm

I've never played much of the games.

Actually, I never played any beyond the first one, and I didn't play that one for long enough to say I actually played it. Likewise here, the control makes no sense at all, and however acceptable it may have been back when it was introduced in 1997 or whatever, there's no excuse for it to have gone on this long. I thought Devil May Cry put an end to the archaic RE control scheme for good, but apparently not.

Post by **G.Silver** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 1:24 am

I actually enjoyed the Super Mario Bros movie.

I didn't think it was a good representation of Mario. But I thought it was a fun movie (it's got a soundtrack I like too).

Ash Holt · Post by **Ash Holt** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 3:08 am

Brazillian Cara wrote:It's a shame videogames does'nt have many good movies.
I don't know wich is more ridiculous: Street Fighter (with Jean Claude- Van Damme) or Super Mario Bros.
Seriously, Guile is'nt the series main character! Why is he it in this "movie"? I guess it's because he's american.
And Yoshi looks like a velociraptor!!

A raptor sculpted out of shit. In fact, it looks as if half the set was made out of shit. I saw that movie in theatres, folks, so I got a pretty good look at it.

Owen Axel · Post by **Owen Axel** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 4:46 am

Esrever wrote:Am I the only one who liked the first Res Evil movie OK?

No, I liked it. But I came in looking for a silly zombie movie and got exactly what I paid for. So here's a satisfied customer.

Everybody should know by now that it's foolish to have high or even medium expectations of a movie based on a video game.