Stop Flashimation!

Double-S- · Post by **Double-S-** » Mon Nov 29, 2004 12:27 pm

Spazz wrote:<a href="http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminal_mi ... html">Mary Kay Letourneau</a>

Why the heck is that story so freaking long. And they made a TV movie about that case? Geez. I think everybody just wanted to know every last little detail about it because they all have inner pedophiliacs.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Thu Dec 09, 2004 6:33 pm

I had the misfortune of catching another episode of Static Shock last night. God, do I ever despise this show. Usually the DC Comics universe animated series are done with a lot of thought (Batman, Justice League) or a lot of style (Teen Titans, Superman). This has neither. It's the most insulting drivel associated with the DC universe produced since Superfriends.

My chief problems last night were many. First, we've got police officers using laser pistols. 'Cause, you know - if you showed real guns, that would cause kids to go out on a shooting rampage. I hate this, I really do. I think a kid is just as likely to be inspired to play with guns by a laser pistol as he is with bullet pistols. Perhaps moreso.

Not only that, but what the fuck are these toned-down action shows going to do when ACTUAL laser weaponry is produced (and considering the money Bush is funneling into the millitary - that should be a week from next Tuesday)? They're going to be royally fucked, that's what. They're going to need to show the police using chicken-launchers or something.

On a similar note, if you don't want the kids to see any weaponry they could possibly get their hands on - move in the opposite directions! Give these police-officers BAZOOKAS! I mean, considering that the series takes place in a world where superhumans (and not just mutants - also Gods, aliens, mutates, mad scientists, wizards - who knows what else) roam the streets - it wouldn't be that outlandish to see police officers packing missles. Fuck, it would be AWESOME! And the freak-out groups can rest assured that Junior will never walk into his father's room and be inspired to pick up his Daddy's bazooka because the television told him to.

My other complaint with the show is that it constantly fellates minorities. Normally, I have no problem with this - but Static Shock can't go two seconds without somehow involving a minority in something. They go out of their way to basically include every group in the show - muslims, jews, blacks (obviously), asians - to the point where it becomes kind of ridiculous. Whoops. They forgot one. See, in the original comic book - Static's best friend and sidekick is gay.

In the show, they artfully translated this by . . . well, giving him an earing and making a tank-top part of his costume.

But hey, as long as all of the "good" minorities get screen time.

Similarly, Static basically salivates whenever he meets another black superhero. It's kind of pathetic, really. When he met Green Lantern, Static was ready to get down on both knees and fellate him simply because he was black. Never mind that John Stewart is so uncreative - he has one of the most powerful weapons in the universe, it's uses are limited to his imagination and his willpower - and he uses it in three ways (shooting lasers, forcefields, flight - give this guy a jetpack, a shield, and gun - he doesn't need the ring). Never mind that he's so stupid, he thought he blew up a planet despite the fact that even SUPERMAN and HAWKGIRL (Dumb and Dumberer) were able to see otherwise. He's black! So he's Static's hero!

And it wouldn't even bother me if he had just chosen Stewart to idolize, but like 5 other black superheroes made just for Static ocasionally make appearences and everytime - Static has to restrain himself from basically running up and humping them. I mean, I know there aren't a lot of black superheroes, and that he should have SOMEONE to look up to - but cripes - pick one. Don't fawn over any black guy in a costume just because they're wearing tights.

I feel sorry for Cyborg if they ever do TT/SS crossover. Static will problably want one of his teeth.

I mean Jesus, think of how Richie feels. He's a damn gay Jewish superhero who's not even allowed to be half of that onscreen. Who's he got to look up to in the DCU? Invisible Kid and Element Lad - and they not only live 1,000 years in the future, their orientation depends on who's writing them. And their powers suck. And as far as a Jewish superhero in the DCU - I can't name a single one.

Just the same, if "The Pink Menorah" ever did a guest spot or something - it would still be embaressing for the same situation to play out.

Kishi · Post by **Kishi** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 2:49 am

To be fair, John Stewart IS a bad motherfucker.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 9:01 am

1. Bazookas no longer exist.

2. And isn't it possible that they use lasers because it's in the future, like Star Wars/Star Trek?

3. And I thought the Green Lantern was white.

Post by **Delphine** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 10:48 am

chriscaffee wrote:3. And I thought the Green Lantern was white.

His current cartoon incarnation is black.

Post by **Segaholic2** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 2:58 pm

Nigrified!

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 3:59 pm

I think he has been every race at one point in time. I saw a Batman Beyond or something where he was a chinese buddhist monk. I guess anyone with a ring is the Green Lantern.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 4:02 pm

There are thousands and thousands of Green Lanterns. It's like an intergalactic police force, and as long as you're mentally strong and have good morals - you have a chance of winning membership in it. A SQUIRREL actually got in. That's right. A squirrel. Other interesting GLs include a strain of bacteria, an entire concious planet, and a swarm of tribbles who act as a single Green Lantern.

There have been 5 human earthling Green Lanterns in the comics:

1) Alan Scott - The first, magical GL. Straight-lanced good guy from the '30s.

2) Guy Gardner - Super-macho, testosterone-filled, racist asshole.

3) Hal Jordan - The most popular Green Lantern of all time. Went evil and killed all the others years later. The writers who made this decision got death threats for several years until they brought him back as good guy.

4) John Stewart - The black Green Lantern. Moderately competent. His comic book incarnation was a creative, friendly, creative architect. His animated version is a straight-laced, fairly stupid and uncreative, marine.

5) Kyle Rayner - The current GL. An artist who has the most powerful Green Lantern ring of them all - it has no weaknesses and never has to be recharged. Despite this, he never truly rises to greatness and ends up being more famous for his art than his heroics.

They chose John Stewart because they thought they need "diversity" for the cartoon. But his personality has been completely changed. But when most people think of the GL, they think of Hal.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 4:02 pm

So Green Lantern isn't so much a specific person but like, whoever carries the ring. Speaking of which what's that evil yellow guy's name?

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 4:08 pm

Sinestro. He was a Green Lantern who believed he needed to dominate the peoples of his planet to keep the peace. John Stewart discovered this and stopped him. Sinestro is the major villain for the Green Lantern corp. He managed to build a Yellow Lantern ring of his own.

You see, GL rings, with the execption of the one owned by Kyle Rayner - cannot affect anything in the yellow spectrum of light. They can't lift up or destroy school busses and bananas and the like. They were built like that because the rings can pretty much do anything else a wearer can think of - so if one goes nuts, the others can stop him by just wacking him over the head with a yellow hammer or something.

Of course, this made it a bitch to take down Sinestro, and he was an enemy of the Green Lantern corp for several decades.

And yeah - it's not a specific person. It's a title. Like "Officer" or "Corporal". But there's only one Green Lantern assigned to a quadrant of space at a time. So you could say "He's the Green Lantern (for this galaxy/planet)". But there are usually a lot of them. Or there were until Hal Jordan killed most of them. But they're rebuilding their ranks.

Timestones · Post by **Timestones** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 4:54 pm

Zeta wrote:There are thousands and thousands of Green Lanterns. It's like an intergalactic police force, and as long as you're mentally strong and have good morals - you have a chance of winning membership in it. A SQUIRREL actually got in. That's right. A squirrel. Other interesting GLs include a strain of bacteria, an entire concious planet, and a swarm of tribbles who act as a single Green Lantern.

You forgot Daffy Duck.

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 5:27 pm

Yes. He was better then G'nort - a dogman character based on Disney's Goofy. He's such a fuck-up that they had to put him somewhere he couldn't screw up. Thus, they made him the leader and only member of the "Justice League of Antarctica". So he'll only bother penguins.

chriscaffee · Post by **chriscaffee** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 6:06 pm

So the Green Lantern could make like an infinite amount of money. That's a damn good power.

hello.jpg · Post by **hello.jpg** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 6:44 pm

[spoilers lol]

The best scene in Green Lantern ever was when Hal Jordan snapped Sinestro's neck. People don't realise that Jordan only ever became more than a 1 dimensional hero character when Coast City was totalled and he went evil. And now they're bringing him back as GL, which makes me a sad (and annoyed) panda.

[/spoilers lol]

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 7:18 pm

Considering how people are always complaining about the lack of female superheroes, or at least female superheroes being featured prominently - I don't see why in 5 generations of GLs, they've never had a female Green Lantern of Earth. It's not like Superman or Batman or the Flash where most incarnations are tradionally male. It's a title that can be bestowed upon anyone. And it's fairly popular mythos. Methinks a female GL would do really well in the comic fandom. Heck, a lot of folks wish that Kyle Rayner's (now decased) girlfriend, Alex - had been the fifth Green Lantern of Earth.

Nova · Post by **Nova** » Fri Dec 10, 2004 8:08 pm

Kyle Rayner had a good story when he fighted Hal Jordan. I mean he even have Jal Jordan the chance to be a Green Lantern again but Hal Jordan was too obsessed whith his "Mission" so he just used the ring to power up. What was the result? Kyle Rayner destroying Gaia the source of power of all Green Lanterns (and Hal Jordan source of power). That ended cauing all the "Brothers" stuffs. DC and Marvel crossovers, Amalagan, Etc

Is sad that theGreen Lanterns are rebuilding their ranks. Ii would be cool seeing Kyle Rayner as the only Green lanter left and since he has the most powerfull ring he has to guard the entire univerce...

j-man · Post by **j-man** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 9:34 am

Daffy Duck was a GL? Where have I been?

Post by **Delphine** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 10:06 am

It was on that new cartoon of his. Duck Dodgers something or other. Is that even still on?

shadowman · Post by **shadowman** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 12:38 pm

i dont think so

J.E.Smith · Post by **J.E.Smith** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 2:11 pm

It still is. At like midnight or 12:30 on Friday nights.

You can see screens and a few audio clips of the episode here:

http://wf.toonzone.net/WF/justiceleague ... /Loontern/

Locit · Post by **Locit** » Sat Dec 11, 2004 11:52 pm

A SQUIRREL actually got in. That's right. A squirrel.

How did a squirrel manage this? Did he gain sentience and decide to become good thus earning a ring, or did he just get a ring thus gaining cognizant thought? More importantly, how did they manage to form a plot around this (if they did at all)? Perhaps I am putting too much thought into this...

Zeta · Post by **Zeta** » Sun Dec 12, 2004 2:44 am

How did a squirrel manage this? Did he gain sentience and decide to become good thus earning a ring, or did he just get a ring thus gaining cognizant thought? More importantly, how did they manage to form a plot around this (if they did at all)? Perhaps I am putting too much thought into this...

He came from a planet where super-intelligent life just all happened to resemble woodland earthling creatures. His name was Ch'ip. He was married to M'nnie, but he dissapeared during a mission.

Believing him to be dead, M'nnie eventually got married to Ch'ips best friend - D'le.

Ch'ip tragically died after being run over by a truck.

Sadly, none of this is false.

Double-S- · Post by **Double-S-** » Sun Dec 12, 2004 9:33 am

Sadly, that's not the most outrageous of comic book plots I've heard.

Dark Dolphin · Post by **Dark Dolphin** » Sun Dec 12, 2004 2:21 pm

Which begs the question, Double-S, why do people still care about them?

Light Speed · Post by **Light Speed** » Sun Dec 12, 2004 3:11 pm

Because occasionally you get a badass movie out of them.