A joke

[Green Gibbon!]

So this guy tries to go through airport security carrying two dead rabbits.

The security guard says, "Sir, you can't take those on the plane."

So the guy says, "But I was told I could bring two pieces of carrion luggage."






I MADE THIS UP MYSELF!

[Malchik]

Heh heh. Cute.

[Hulkshmash]

That was beautiful.

[Oompa Star]

i c wut u did thar

[Delphine]

:|

[Dr. BUGMAN]

Someone should draw a comic panel in which this exchange happens between a vulture (anthropomorphic of course) and, I dunno, an exasperated stork.

[Plorpus III]

Do adults wear diapers?




It Depends

[The Doc]

A man was apprehended yesterday for beating a bull to death with two porcelain figurines. Police were reported as saying that it was the first time they ever encountered a knick-knack patty whack.

[Shadow Hog]

A greedy young lady is the rightful heir to the vast fortune of her elderly mother, but is too impatient to wait for her to die of old age. She hires a famous hitman, named Artie, to do the job for her. Artie is an unusual bloke; money is of no real consequence to him, so he's willing to take the job on for cheap; one dollar, to be precise.

So the old lady goes to Safeway one day. Artie follows her in, grabs hold of her and chokes her to death. Unfortunately for Artie, there was a witness; he promptly chases after said witness and chokes him to death, too. By now, the police have arrived. He tackles the first one, choking him to death as well, before finally being apprehended.

Naturally, a triple murder at a local grocery store becomes a huge story across the nation. Newspapers across the country are put out, with headlines blaring, Artie Chokes Three for a Dollar at Safeway.
(Also I guess the young lady is found out and placed under arrest, I dunno, she's really not that important)

[Crowbar]

A greedy young lady is the rightful heir to the vast fortune of her elderly mother, but is too impatient to wait for her to die of old age. She hires a famous hitman, named Artie, to do the job for her. Artie is an unusual bloke; money is of no real consequence to him, so he's willing to take the job on for cheap; one dollar, to be precise.

So the old lady goes to Safeway one day. Artie follows her in, grabs hold of her and chokes her to death. Unfortunately for Artie, there was a witness; he promptly chases after said witness and chokes him to death, too. By now, the police have arrived. He tackles the first one, choking him to death as well, before finally being apprehended.

Naturally, a triple murder at a local grocery store becomes a huge story across the nation. Newspapers across the country are put out, with headlines blaring, Artie Chokes Three for a Dollar at Safeway.
(Also I guess the young lady is found out and placed under arrest, I dunno, she's really not that important)

That is somehow the worst one yet.

[The Doc]

I'd say "I don't get it," but really, there was no "it" to get.

[Delphine]

(Also I guess the young lady is found out and placed under arrest, I dunno, she's really not that important)

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART WHY DID YOU LEAVE IT OUT

[Baba O'Riley]

Puns are the highest form of humor.

[Dr. Watson]

Aw man, i have so many wonderful puns that only works in Swedish...

But you know what? im just gonna go ahead and tell one anyway (one that i thought up all by myself!):

A man and his wife are sitting at their dinner table. The woman reaches for the sour milk carton (we have that on our cereals here) but the man quickly snatches it away from her before she can grab it. "Hey, what the hell are you doing?" yells the woman at her husband. And the man answers "Sorry pumpkin, but im afraid you're gonna have to go buy your own sour milk carton, now that file sharing is illegal..."

The End.

Yeah, you see, for some reason, the Swedish word for sour milk is the same as our word for file (fil). So...yeah... hahahahaha!

...

Oh fuck you guys, my dad is a doctor in linguistics and he thought it was fucking side splitting! Hmpf!

[Dr. BUGMAN]

Your father was just patronizing you.

[Malchik]

You people drink sour milk?!

[Hulkshmash]

I'd post a fabulous pun, but I'm only good at making them during my classes, at maximum volume.

[Baba O'Riley]

Well... I had an Uncle Richard that tried to bring nude theater to a festival in Waterdeep... Exposure is usually good for an actor's career, but even so, a cold reception for the play caused the cast to shrink steadily. Blackballed, my uncle tried to recruit from the thieves' guild, but they wouldn't let their nick-ers go. 'Just bare with me,' he would say, but they were afraid of being stripped of their dignity. He gave up the lead to attract new members, and eventually the production's genius was uncovered, even with his part left out.

[Green Gibbon!]

Why did G.I. Joe saw the wings off his plane?

Because no wing is half the battle.

[Hulkshmash]

But what is the rest of the battle? Shooting?

[Frieza2000]

Two pretzels walked into a bar. One was assaulted.

[The Doc]

A priest, a rabbi and fourteen platypi walk into a bar.

I forget the rest, but your mother's a whore.

[Ritz]

Didja hear about the robbery at the candy store last night? Two suckers got licked!

[Ritz]

[Brazillian Cara]

What's so bad about bigamy?

Two mothers-in-law.