A joke

[Ritz]

Oh wow, you definitely didn't.

Is that supposed to be Dr. Cox?

Grant Kelly, the Monsquaz man. He'll elevate you to levels of sexual enchantment heretofore unattainable by man. Then he'll bring you down, just for the hell of it. It's a wild ride.

I remember when this was still uproariously funny to me. Now, it only ever evokes a tender, nostalgic smile. I am so fucking dead inside.

[Ritz]

How would a vasectomy affect a gay man's sex life?

It wouldn't make a vas deferens.

[Green Gibbon!]

I have a friend who always drops his coins.

He just can't handle change.

[P.P.A.]

I’m… Impressed. That was one of the worst puns I’ve ever heard.

[Green Gibbon!]

It was actually an accident! I myself have butterfingers when it comes to dealing with pocket change - I habitually fumble trying to get coins into and out of my pocket and inevitably drop a few on the ground, which is what happened today at the supermarket. I thought to myself, "Man, I just can't handle change." The joke didn't occur to me until afterwards.

I'm so good I pun subconsciously!

[Jogurt]

I actually laughed a little at this thread.

[G.Silver]

I didn't want to make a new thread for this but I also didn't know where to put it. This is from a generic Sega CD strategy guide from back when they still made that kind of thing (source). The first line in the second paragraph on "General Strategies" is all you need to see.

[Delphine]

That sentence starts out amusing and only gets better at the end. Someone was getting bored with writing this thing.

[Dr. BUGMAN]

Why did Leonard Nimoy decline an offer to endorse a brand of cereal?

Because a spoonful of Vulcan Os is most illogical

[Crazy Penguin]

[Jingles]

So a horse walks into a bar and the barkeep says "Why the long face?".

[Popcorn]

Have you guys heard about that new Jonny Depp movie? He plays a pie salesman whose wares fluctuate in cost depending on the car he's driving.

It's called The Pie Rates of the Car I Be In.

[j-man]

So I went orienteering last week, and it took absolutely ages. Who knew that China was so big?
Went into a shop to buy some pencils and notepads and stuff. The bloke behind the counter wouldn't move an inch, because he was selling stationary.
I get really paranoid from smoking weed. Someone called me a wanker last week, and I keep thinking "Shit, how did he know?"

Yeah, I do stand-up. I'm obviously very successful.

[Wombatwarlord777]

Try reading this one out loud:

So, there are these two fundamentalist Mormons. One of them has three wives and the other only one.

"Why do you only have one wife?" the one Mormon says to the other.

"Well, I'd have more," says the other, "but I'm afraid that'd be big of me."

[Senbei]

Naw, that's big of me.

[Wombatwarlord777]

Drat. And here I thought I was being original and at least fairly amusing.

This dampens my entire day.

[Jingles]

Sonic the hedgehog is my roll model.

[Ritz]

[Wombatwarlord777]

I slew a band of trolls the other day. It was so easy to do. The whole lot were such mediogre fighters.

[Malchik]

I slew a band of trolls the other day. It was so easy to do. The whole lot were such mediogre fighters.

That pun only works if we assume trolls and ogres are the same creature. I say this because any middle earth fanbabby will use your skin to decorate the walls of the hobby shop.

[Jingles]

What did the elephant say to the elephant hunter?

Please don't kill me for my ivory.

[Wombatwarlord777]

That pun only works if we assume trolls and ogres are the same creature. I say this because any middle earth fanbabby will use your skin to decorate the walls of the hobby shop.

I thought that the subjects in puns only had to be at least vaguely related and sound similar, like the succession of Nazi puns above.

Nevertheless, I will be on the lookout for overweight, sweaty, angry paladins in my area. Thanks for the heads up!

[Majestic Joey]

two jokes:

you know you're a red neck if you think dog food smells pretty good but you know you're filipino if you ate your dog. (I'm filipino so this makes it ok, maybe?)

what do you call a sour assistant?

A lemonade.

[Jingles]

Hey kids? Want to hear a joke?


Playstation 3!


Hilarious!

[Farmer]

The bartender replies "Sorry, we don't serve particles that travel faster than light". A neutrino walks into a bar.