You Can Still Play It (After 9 Years)

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You Can Still Play It (After 9 Years)

Postby Bo » Sat May 20, 2006 8:57 am

It was around this time of year in 1997 that the GHZ sprung, fully formed, from Zeus' brow. Actually, it was more like mostly formed and from the Hooked On Sonics forum in the long-extinct Sega Threads message board, but you know what I mean.

As is customary for this time of year, you can check out some GHZ lore at Archive.org:
<a href="http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.videogamers.com/ggibbon">http://www.videogamers.com/ggibbon</a>
<a href="http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Dungeon/5491">http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Dungeon/5491</a>

The infant GHZ was much like any other infant, loud, messy, and prone to burping after feeding. A lot has changed in 9 years: the recent server switch (i.e. burp) was the smoothest yet, NT's and GG!'s code changes have cleaned up a lot of the mess, and instead of being loud, we're pretty much just bitingly sarcastic.

The GHZ's longevity calls into question the applicability of natural selection for the Internet - it has no means of defense from predators, and has yet to reproduce (or even get a date). This somehow hasn't stopped it - it's survived brutal attacks (<i>Sonic Shuffle</i>), and none of its genetic mutations have proved fatal.

I could think up some more metaphors to strain, but I'll stop here and raise my.... mug of coffee to the GHZ's 9th anniversary, or at least to my lips, and hope that the next 9 years is a little more <i>Samba de Amigo</i> and a little less <i>G Sonic</i>.
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Postby Delphine » Sat May 20, 2006 9:29 am

<img src=http://web.archive.org/web/20001011012334/www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Dungeon/5491/grnhill.jpg>

Greatest. Banner. Ever.
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Postby Zarathustra » Sat May 20, 2006 9:43 am

Can we add it some powerful background flashiness (like SONICTEAM's "PowerPlay" CD cover BG) and declare it as the new official logo? At least for an hour or two? It's fucktastic!
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Re: You Can Still Play It (After 9 Years)

Postby FlashTHD » Sat May 20, 2006 10:23 am

Bo wrote:<a href="http://web.archive.org/web/*/http://www.videogamers.com/ggibbon">http://www.videogamers.com/ggibbon</a>

A lot of those links redirect to MovieWatchers.com. Don't tell me there was downtime that bad in 2000 :p

Looking at all those quarter-assed museum pages from back then (pink links? on a Sonic site?), I see that they're not all that dissimilar from my least proud pieces of writing. Except that those had more dark greens and blacks instead of an assorted medley of gay colors. One thing they have on the current pages is some prototype info...why doesn't the GHZ make any mention of things like cut levels and such? I would think at least Hidden Palace be worth a quick look into since, allegedly, it was going to be tied to the game's story.
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Postby Frieza2000 » Sat May 20, 2006 10:38 am

Man, that place was so happy and alive. I mean, FanFic?! Holy crap!
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Postby Bo » Sat May 20, 2006 10:39 am

Videogamers.com quit hosting and became that MovieWatchers site in 2000, and the GHZ moved to EmulationZone.

I think the full list of providers for the GHZ is: Geocities/ Angelfire (supplemental), Talons.com, Videogamers.com, EmuZone, and now Tsui, Inc.
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Postby Baba O'Reily » Sat May 20, 2006 11:46 am

Bah gawd!

It's like walking into the Mayan ruins, and then running back to your exotic resort hotel!
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Postby David The Lurker » Sat May 20, 2006 4:20 pm

It's been nine years? That's scary. While I don't believe I was there for the Geocities years, I remember coming to this site as a young child, amazed by its green and black color scheme, and reading all that horrible fanfiction. Well, maybe it wasn't all bad...I don't remember the details and I'm too frightend to reread them. I mean, it's not like I quickly saved them all the day before Gibbon! shut it down and still have them sitting in some old computer archive...

Gibbon, you never finished your adaption of Sonic R.

Also, wasn't this site hosted on SonicNEXT or something like that? The years have been long, so maybe my mind has left me...

Once upon a time, the front page wrote:*Phone Rings*
Green Gibbon! shifts his gaze from the Dead or Alive h-doujinshi in his hands to the Sonic-shaped phone. The black paint on Sonic's pupils has worn through, revealing the white plastic underneath. The whole device is splattered with mustard, pizza sauce, cheese whiz, Drano, and just a little of everything else that's ever crossed its path. Assessing the situation, Gibbon verbally shares one critical thought: "Ew." He averts his gaze back to the comic, which is stained with splotches of drool and other fluids best left unidentified.

*phone rings*
Possessed Spam and Bo, in another room in Driftaway Studios, are engaged in the advanced stages of a Chu² grudge match gone horribly wrong. In a mighty downward thrust of the Cow Blade, Spam splits the wooden coffee table into two clean-cut pieces. With one hand, he rips the massive sword out of the terrific gash in the floor and swings it up to Bo's neck. "Hast thou any final requests, bastard KapuKapu child?"
Bo's ice cold gaze meets Spam's triumphant stare head-on. "Just one," Bo mutters, silently reaching for the magnum hidden in his vest. "Kiss my ChuChu!"


*phone rings*
Spam and Bo drop their weapons and exchange disapproving glances. Spam turns around and hollers to Gibbon: "Hey, Double G! Will you get that? It's throwing off our concentration!"
"I'm busy."
"So?!"
"Shutup, Spam."


Meanwhile, in the screening room, Delphine and Dark Gibbon? -- all decked out in festive Latin regalia, gaze intently upon the large screen. Below, G. Silver is hard at work tinkering with a Samba de Amigo machine. A flash of light followed immediately by an ear-splitting snap echo from Silver and the Samba machine. The lights go out for a moment, then the screen lights up with the Samba title screen. Silver's motionless carcass lies smoking beneath the charred machine.
"Hm, he did it!" Dark proclaims.
Del glances down at the remains of Silver. "Yeah, but he died."
"A noble death. Well now, let us dance my sweet señorita!"
"It's a VERSUS match. You can play LoveLove mode with yourself for all I care."
"Now, don't be that way my luscious Linda look-alike! Come on over here, Dark'll give you some luvin', Latin-style!"
"Want a maraca up your-"



*phone rings*
Dark and Del simultaneously drop their maracas. The deceased Silver lifts his head up and exclaims: "It's-a me, Mario! Actually, I mean, uh...some one answer that damned phone, it's enough to wake the dead!"
"Yeah," exclaims Dark, "and I was this close from getting sweet señorita Del LAID!"
"I'd belt you," remarks Del, "but I'm afraid you'd enjoy it."


*phone rings*
Gibbon gawks with dirty glee at the hentai material in his sweaty palms, a stream of drool flowing steadily from his lower lip. "Ooh, yeah! You know what I like, Kasumi-chan! Do it, baby! Do it!" At that moment the door bursts open, and the vengeful mob of agitated GHZers raid Gibbon's private hentai chamber. He drops the comic and wards the horde back with the Sacred Veal Cane.
"I hope - I mean I really hope - that you're in here to inform me that the Second Coming is upon us."
A series of flashes circle around the room as every player holds a torch to the stacks of h-mangas scattered around. Gibbon drops the Veal Cane and backs off in terror. "You...you wouldn't dare..."
"You wanna find out," Spam shoots back, "Or you wanna answer the phone? Your choice."
"Oh...sure," Gibbon shrugs, walking over to the Sonic phone. Spam, Bo, Del, Dark, and dead Silver gather around as Gibbon picks up the receiver...
Gibbon: "Hello?"
Voice on the other end: "Whaazaaaap?!"


HALT! Now here's where you come in, dear reader! Who is it on the other line? Choose one of the names listed below, and E-mail me your selection. The results will be counted and the story will be continued on Monday, with the results of the vote! So, who's it gonna be?

The traitorous Eternal Gamer, who wants us to take a survey?
The traitorous Moon, who is hawking the phone sex service she now works for?
The villainous Zero, who was trying to call for pizza but dialed the wrong number?
Our old pal WB, who can't remember what he called for?
(Dear God, it's been a slow week, y'know?)


Not much later, the front page wrote:*Phone Rings* Part 2
Last time: Green Gibbon! and the GHZ crew received a strange phone call from an unknown party. Who is this mysterious stranger...or is it a stranger? But is it friend or foe, and what does he/she want? Could it be the traitorous Eternal Gamer, asking us to take a survey? Or could it be the traitorous Moon, calling to plug the phone sex service she is now employed by? Could it be the villainous Zero, who was trying to order a pizza but dialed the wrong number? Or is it perhaps our old pal WB, who cannot remember why he called? The votes have been counted and the results have been calculated. Now without further ado, the conclusion of our story:
Gibbon: "Hello?"
Voice on the other end: "Whaaazaaap?!"
Gibbon moves the phone away from his ear and gawks at it as though it were crazy. Turning to the other GHZers standing eagerly around him, Gibbon punches a button on the phone and points to a pair of large speakers at either end of the room. "Guys, listen to who it is!"
"Ahem. I said: WHAAAZAAAP!" the voice echoes from the speakers.
"WB!" exclaims the entire group of Possessed Spam, Bo Bayles, Dark Gibbon?, Delphine Kiminsu, and dead G. Silver.
Gibbon: "Hey, Dubbs! So what's cookin'?"
WB: "Great chickens of Neptune! Is that you, Gibbon?! What makes you ring on my line?"
Gibbon: "Huh?"
WB: "Pay attention, I say PAY ATTENTION, boy! Why'd y'all call little ol' me?"
Gibbon: "We didn't call you."
WB: "You didn't?! Then who am I talking to?!"
Gibbon: "It's me, Green Gibbon! And I'm with Spam, Bo, Deej, Del, and dead Silv!"
WB: "But you just said you didn't call me!"
Gibbon: "YOU called US, you ninny!"
WB: "I did? Well root my toot and call me Carl! Why'd I do that?"
Gibbon: "Beats me."
New voice: "Hello, I hope I'm not disturbing you..."
Bo: "Now who's that?"
Voice: "My name is Eternal Gamer, and I'm calling on behalf of the Drano corporation."
WB: "You ain't gettin' my Drano, greenboy!"
Gibbon: "That's not me! It's the traitorous Eternal Gamer!"
Bo: "Who let that bastard on the line?! Is he with you, WB?!"
WB: "Now look here, foo!"
EG: "I wonder if I may have a moment of your time to ask you a few short questions regarding your flushing habits."
Gibbon: "How'd you get a job with Drano?!"
Sexy Voice: "Hey there, tough guy. Why don't you show me just how strong you really are?"
Del: "Huh? You mean me?"
Sexy Voice: "Ooh, you have such a manly voice! It's getting me so hot..."
Del: "Is this a party line?!"
Gibbon: "I know that sexy voice! It's none other than the traitorous Moon!"
EG: "Are you accustomed to using both sides of the toilet paper?"
WB: "YEAH!"
Dark: "YEAH!"
EG: "I see."
Silv: "Eeew!"
Dark: "Wait, I was talking to Moon, not EG!"
WB: "I was talking to EG, not Moon!"
Moon: "Mm, I can't take it anymore! I want your hand on me...touch me!"
EG: "What do you do when your toilet overflows?"
Del: "Put a sock in it, slut!"
EG: "You do? And does that work?"
Del: "Not YOU!"
Moon: "But I get commission for every minute I keep you on the l- I mean, uh... I'm so hot!"
WB: "I'm gonna be sick!"
Gibbon: "So am I, you sweet thang, let's get together and do something about it!"
WB: "I'm gon' pimp slap yo ass to next Tuesday if you tell me that again!"
Gibbon: "Will you get the hell off the line, chicken boy?!"
Moon: "When I hear your voice, my body..."
EG: "Briefly describe the results when you flush chicken."
Moon: "It gets all hot and wet..."
EG: "I see."
Evil Voice: "Hi, I'd like to place an order for evil Parasite monster Zero. I want a large mushroom & bacon with extra cheese and I need it in ten minutes or I'm going to vaporize you atom-by-atom and blow your hometown up because I have the power to do that. And I want it piping hot."
EG: "And when do you plan to flush again?"
Zero: "Not until after I eat it."
Moon: "HOT! So HOT!"
Zero: "Yes I want it hot, now will you shutup and make the damn pizza?!"
Moon: "Touch me! TOUCH ME!"
WB: "I want a chicken pizza with extra chicken and some chicken on the side! I am HUNGRY!"
EG: "And do you have this problem often?"
WB: "'Bout three times a day!"
Dark: "Yes! I've got my hands on your ass and I'm SQUEEZING!"
EG: "Erm...please remove your hands from my ass, sir."
Zero: "DON'T MAKE MY PIZZA AFTER YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING WITH YOUR GODDAMN ASSES!"
Dorky Voice: "Somebody help me! My name is Squall Leonhart and I'm trying to wake up my girlfriend Rinoa Heartilly!"
EG: "Hello Mr. Leonhart, may I have a moment of your time to..."
New Voice: "Hi, it's me Timestones!"
Gibbon: "WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE?!"
Zero: "I just wanna order a friggin' PIZZA!"
Dark: "I just wanna play with Moonie-pie!"
WB: "I just wanna play with my goddamn ass! No, wait..."
EG: "I'm sorry, I believe I have the wrong number." *click*
Moon: "Oops, me too. Nevermind!" *click*
Zero: "Oh...well shit." *click*
Squall: "You're my new best friend, Timestones." *click*
TS: "Hi, I'm Timestones!" *click*
Gibbon: "..."
WB: "..."
Gibbon: "..."
WB: "..."
Gibbon: "Still there, Dubbs?"
WB: "Great chickens of Neptune! Is that you, Gibbon?! What makes you ring on my line?"
Gibbon: "Huh?"
WB: "Pay attention, I say PAY ATTENTION, boy! Why'd y'all call little ol' me?"
Gibbon: "We didn't call you."
WB: "You didn't?! Then who am I talking to?!"
Gibbon: "It's me, Green Gibbon! And I'm with Spam, Bo, Deej, Del, and dead Silv!"
WB: "But you just said you didn't call me!"
Gibbon: "YOU called US, you ninny!"
WB: "I did? Well root my toot and call me Carl! Why'd I do that?"
Gibbon: "..."
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Postby Light Speed » Sat May 20, 2006 5:13 pm

Dang, what year did Gibbon make those trading cards? 'Cause it seems like it was yesterday. Hmm, I guess I've been posting here for like 5 years. That isn't that long compared to some of you oldies.
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Postby Tsuyoshi-kun » Sat May 20, 2006 5:17 pm

The most interesting thing about the old pages is that Green Gibbon! used to give scores to the Sonic games. So unlike the Drano Lord of today.
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Postby Delphine » Sat May 20, 2006 7:49 pm

"I'd belt you," remarks Del, "but I'm afraid you'd enjoy it."


Heh, nothing's changed.
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Postby Pepperidge » Sun May 21, 2006 12:04 pm

Bo wrote:Videogamers.com quit hosting and became that MovieWatchers site in 2000, and the GHZ moved to EmulationZone.

I think the full list of providers for the GHZ is: Geocities/ Angelfire (supplemental), Talons.com, Videogamers.com, EmuZone, and now Tsui, Inc.


You forgot SonicNEXT.
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Postby Popcorn » Sun May 21, 2006 12:30 pm

I think everyone forgot SonicNEXT.
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Postby Senbei » Sun May 21, 2006 2:38 pm

I guess this is as good a time as any to ask: what's the deal with Drano?

Or will I be laughed off as an ignorant young'n?
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Postby Delphine » Sun May 21, 2006 4:56 pm

It's fuckin' <i>Drano</i>, man. Kids don't know nuthin.
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Postby CE » Sun May 21, 2006 5:39 pm

SonicNEXT? Is that where all the Sonic content went when Rat.org took down his hosting?
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Postby Omni Hunter » Tue May 23, 2006 11:28 am

9 years of GHZ though? I've only even had the internets for two years.

Oh, and on Drano, here's a little interesting thing from Wikipedia
In 2003, Sherman Austin was sentenced to a year in federal prison for publishing instructions for making Molotov cocktails and Drano bombs on his website.


Drano, serious shit!
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Postby Light Speed » Tue May 23, 2006 4:34 pm

What is a Drano bomb? Drano cookies is where it's at.
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