Survival of the Fruitiest

Because death would've been too merciful.

For fine breakfast dining, the ultimate monster is:

Count Chocula
13
46%
Frankenberry
3
11%
Boo Berry
5
18%
Fruit Brute
4
14%
Yummy Mummy
3
11%
 
Total votes: 28

User avatar
Green Gibbon!
BUTT CHEESE
Posts: 4648
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 11:39 am
Now Playing: Bit Trip Complete
Location: A far eastern land across the sea
Contact:

Survival of the Fruitiest

Post by Green Gibbon! »

There can be only one winner.

User avatar
Delphine
Horrid, Pmpous Wench
Posts: 4720
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 1:05 pm
Now Playing: DOVAHKIIN
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Contact:

Post by Delphine »

Unless there is a tie.

User avatar
CM August
Posts: 697
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:09 am
Location: Australia
Contact:

Post by CM August »

We don't get any of that in Australia. I hate you all.

User avatar
Green Gibbon!
BUTT CHEESE
Posts: 4648
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 11:39 am
Now Playing: Bit Trip Complete
Location: A far eastern land across the sea
Contact:

Post by Green Gibbon! »

Unless there is a tie.
You voted for that bigot Chocula, didn't you? Don't lie, because there are only two votes and I voted for Boo.

That's it, you're getting a dick in the ear.

User avatar
Delphine
Horrid, Pmpous Wench
Posts: 4720
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 1:05 pm
Now Playing: DOVAHKIIN
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Contact:

Post by Delphine »

Green Gibbon! wrote:That's it, you're getting a dick in the ear.
It'll fit.

User avatar
Green Gibbon!
BUTT CHEESE
Posts: 4648
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 11:39 am
Now Playing: Bit Trip Complete
Location: A far eastern land across the sea
Contact:

Post by Green Gibbon! »

.... Curses, foiled again.

User avatar
The Doc
Posts: 743
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2004 11:04 am
Now Playing: Guess Who?
Location: The Corner of No and Where.
Contact:

Post by The Doc »

You know who the true cereal monsters are? The kids.

Seriously, what in the fuck is wrong with them? Take Trix, for example. I mean, all they do all day is stalk the rabbit to make sure he doesn't get any Trix. And yet, at the end of every Trix commercial, the rabbit is ashamed for trying to get Trix, when in actuality, he's in the right. He just wants that fruity goodness. I remember one Trix commercial where the rabbit actually went into a grocery store, bought Trix with his own fucking money, and the goddamn kids took them from him anyway!

THE FUCK?!

What about Lucky Charms? Lucky...he's hungry. OK? He's a little person, he needs his nourishment. The last thing he needs is to be chased around the world, running and losing more weight. Yet, those little prick kids just keep chasing him, always after his Lucky Charms and the marshmallowy goodness.

And the worst part is, both of these can be avoided.

Trix Rabbit: A well-and-proper bitch-slapping. That's one option. Here's a better one: you're a rabbit. You have more offspring per capita than any other mammal. Strength in numbers, after all, keed. So, find a hot female Trix-wanting rabbit, fuck the everloving shit out of her, have about 80,000 to 90,000 little baby rabbits, and sic them on those bastard human kids. You will then officially control every piece of Trix in the known world.

Lucky: ...You're a motherfucking leprechaun. If you're sick of the running and shit, just remember--you're a magical being. SMITE THEIR ASSES. YOU TURN HOT-AIR BALLOONS, POTS OF GOLD AND RAINBOWS INTO MINIATURE CANDIES. FOR A LIVING. Surely you have a spell that will turn those little assholes into piles of ash. No, wait! Better yet! Turn them into marshmallows! Teach them a lesson: candy and sugar is bad for your health.

...

......

I voted for Chocula.

User avatar
G.Silver
Drano Master
Posts: 2750
Joined: Sat May 22, 2004 12:58 am
Now Playing: Radiant Silvergun, Wario World
Location: warshington
Contact:

Post by G.Silver »

But did you ever look at it from the kid's perspective? Maybe those lucky charms are the only food around, and even though Lucky is perfectly capable of generating an endless supply of magical marshmallows, he insists on hoarding it all for himself! Typical leprechaun! We don't really know what the situation is prior to the start of the commercial, just that the kids are after him. Maybe he killed their parents.

I've never heard of Fruit Brute.

User avatar
Pepperidge
Drano Master
Posts: 544
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 5:01 pm
Location: British Columbia
Contact:

Post by Pepperidge »

Gibbon is such a product of the '80s.

User avatar
Zeta
Posts: 4444
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 11:06 am
Contact:

Post by Zeta »

I've never heard of Fruit Brute.
It was the one produced for the shortest amount of time.

Gay werewolf, basically.

User avatar
G.Silver
Drano Master
Posts: 2750
Joined: Sat May 22, 2004 12:58 am
Now Playing: Radiant Silvergun, Wario World
Location: warshington
Contact:

Post by G.Silver »

Apparently discontinued when I was three. I can remember when Lucky Charms got the purple horseshoes a year later though.

User avatar
Green Gibbon!
BUTT CHEESE
Posts: 4648
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 11:39 am
Now Playing: Bit Trip Complete
Location: A far eastern land across the sea
Contact:

Post by Green Gibbon! »

Apparently, that box of Fruit Brute that appears in some of Tarantino's flicks is his own that he's just been keeping since 1982. I bet it's good and tasty by now!
Gibbon is such a product of the '80s.
Yeah, I can't imagine when that started happening. I hated the 80's for most of the 90's, and I know I hated them as they were actually transpiring. The older I get the more I'm certain that everything that exists now is some huge lie or dream and that if I were to wake up, I'd walk outside and people would be wearing leg warmers and Reagan would still be president and the TV would still only go up to channel 13. I bet this is all some Soviet plot.

User avatar
Light Speed
Sexified
Posts: 2529
Joined: Sun May 23, 2004 4:08 pm
Location: Park City, Utah
Contact:

Post by Light Speed »

Hmm, maybe I'm not a big cereal guy or maybe 19 really is too young, but Count Chocula is the only one of those I've heard of. So I'm voting for him.

In other news, I heard the voice of Tony the Tiger died like a month ago.

plasticwingsband
ASSMAN
Posts: 1340
Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:53 pm
Location: Buttse.cx!
Contact:

Post by plasticwingsband »

i need to check albertson's to see if they still have boo berry

it's my favorite cereal

i love it with mouth

User avatar
The T
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:24 pm
Contact:

Post by The T »

I think "Kaboom!" is the best. But it isn't a monster.

User avatar
Brazillian Cara
Posts: 1729
Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 5:30 pm
Now Playing: the waiting game.
Location: On a never-ending quest to change my avatar.

Post by Brazillian Cara »

Corn Flakes for the win.
...what?

User avatar
Double-S-
News Guy
Posts: 1471
Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2004 5:18 pm
Location: Texas

Post by Double-S- »

I've never heard of any of these choices.

User avatar
Ngangbius
Posts: 2061
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 2:06 am
Now Playing: Dragon Quest IX
Location: Cleveland, OH

Post by Ngangbius »

Chocula-Schlokola! There are plenty of chocolate based cereals on the market.

But how many cereals are blueberry-based? Boo Berry wins!

User avatar
Zeta
Posts: 4444
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 11:06 am
Contact:

Post by Zeta »

Big Mix was the coolest cereal mascot of all time. He was a wolf chicken boar thingy. That's awesome.

User avatar
j-man
All-Time Everything GHZ Award Winner
Posts: 3227
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 3:07 pm
Now Playing: Sea of Friends
Location: Entirely Unmoving
Contact:

Post by j-man »

Americans get the best cereal.

User avatar
Nova
Posts: 431
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2004 4:38 pm

Post by Nova »

They dont sell Quaker sweet crunch here anymore-_-, is was my favorite cereal that didn’t make me sick for having chocolate.

Count Chocula always had my vote.

User avatar
Green Gibbon!
BUTT CHEESE
Posts: 4648
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 11:39 am
Now Playing: Bit Trip Complete
Location: A far eastern land across the sea
Contact:

Post by Green Gibbon! »

I notice Fruit Brute has as many votes as Boo (easily the mightiest of the monster cereals, though its subtle art is clearly lost on you halfwit Chocula devotees), but I wonder how many people here have actually eaten Fruit Brute? I never have, and am very curious to hear what it tastes like.

Y'know what else I miss? Smurfberry Crunch. There have been a few cereals of late that have come close to mimicking it... Scooby-Doo Berry Bones are close, and Cap'n Crunch Swirled Berries are even closer, but nothing is quite there. I also miss Dinersaurs.

User avatar
Brazillian Cara
Posts: 1729
Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 5:30 pm
Now Playing: the waiting game.
Location: On a never-ending quest to change my avatar.

Post by Brazillian Cara »

Green Gibbon! wrote: Dinersaurs.
*BARF*
...yes, I tought the pun was that bad.

User avatar
Majestic Joey
Posts: 512
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:30 pm

Post by Majestic Joey »

I've voted for yummy mummy because it reminds my of my friends mom.

User avatar
G.Silver
Drano Master
Posts: 2750
Joined: Sat May 22, 2004 12:58 am
Now Playing: Radiant Silvergun, Wario World
Location: warshington
Contact:

Post by G.Silver »

I never have, and am very curious to hear what it tastes like.
I understand that it's exactly the same as Yummy Mummy.

I remember Dinersaurs (wasn't there also a kind of Chef Boyarde pasta by the same name?) but I assumed that all the other fruit-flavor cereals were the exact same thing, but missing that key ingredient of being shaped like a dinosaur.

I miss that cereal that's like shredded wheat or some other sort of thing, only it's stuffed with a dried up jam-like substance that's supposed to be "fruit." There were several varieties when I was a kid but nobody seems to make them anymore, or at least I don't see them on the shelves around here.

Post Reply