Hypothetical Sonic Adventure Remake

[Oompa Star]

I could see this topic going into the abyss just for that awesome pyramid of qoutes.

[Shadow Hog]

Off the top of my head, Big could waddle through the turent section of Sky Deck in his efforts to escape the Egg Carrier.

This is the worst idea ever.

Big must fight three bosses.

Under water.

While carrying rocks.

Big has to fish.
(Am I doing it right?)

Through a series of QTE.

Failing which will kill you instantly.

On a moving platform that does not move you with it.

Holding the jump button while touching the ceiling makes you stick to it.

If you break free then your fishing rod stays jammed in the ceiling.

pyramIIIIIIIIIIIIID

The scripted movement failed and you fell down the hole. Try again.

It was your last life, so now you have to sit through the unskippable 30 minute cut scene again.

Starring only Big and Froggy.

Who must acquire the Seven Sapphires of Disarray before they're snatched by Ernie, the world's most diabolical fly-fisherman.

What? I'm not allowed to poke fun at my own unholy abomination?

Who's really not the final boss, as he resurrects the thunder elemental creature (who looks mean and has a few tentacles here and there) for a final battle in which froggy and Big both have to become super. However, this can only be accessed if you beat the game as Big, Froggy, Big's fishing rod, Big's left ear, The water Big fishes in, Big again, and the day in the life of an NPC.

And everything is mapped to the same button!

Each of the aforementioned characters speak, and they're all voiced by Jason Griffith.

The end?

Get all Chaos hooks!

Which only serves to unlock Super Hard Mode.

During which there is 40% chance of a system crash.

There is also now a giant bottomless pit that slowly sucks you in unless you keep moving to the left.

There are no Rings and you are surrounded by those star robots from Metropolis Zone.

Some lame brawl joke

The camera controls constantly switch between uninverted and inverted y axis control.

All the levels are thin walkways suspended above bottomless pits. You can move about one step to the right and left, then you fall of.

But wait! Here's the best part! There's chao! And raising them is mandatory to progress through the story! And then, at the very end, they all turn on you as a series of ball-bustingly tedious end-bosses!

There's an invisible trigger in the chao garden that causes all platforms to become invisible for the rest of the game.

Each stage has a time limit of 3 minutes, and no save points.

Each stage has no time limit, but takes at least 10 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are no save points.

It is just one stage with no time limit, but takes at least 45 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are holes everywhere. Fall down once and you lose your S Rank (reality is worse!).

To get an S rank you need to kill every enemy in the game and collect 80% of all rings and keep them until the end of the stage. The time you take doesn't affect the result at all, and if you get hit once your score is reset to 0.

The solutions to objectives are esoteric and can only be uncovered by following a extremely long chain of links situated in pages of increasingly erotic fan art.

The erotic fan art is of Cloud Strife and Garfield.

Quoting too much text causes a game crashing error.

Which brings you to the credits and unlocks everything.

Except now instead of Super Hard Mode, it's HYPER Hard Mode. And you have to play as the Tails Doll.

[FlashTHD]

Off the top of my head, Big could waddle through the turent section of Sky Deck in his efforts to escape the Egg Carrier.

This is the worst idea ever.

Big must fight three bosses.

Under water.

While carrying rocks.

Big has to fish.
(Am I doing it right?)

Through a series of QTE.

Failing which will kill you instantly.

On a moving platform that does not move you with it.

Holding the jump button while touching the ceiling makes you stick to it.

If you break free then your fishing rod stays jammed in the ceiling.

pyramIIIIIIIIIIIIID

The scripted movement failed and you fell down the hole. Try again.

It was your last life, so now you have to sit through the unskippable 30 minute cut scene again.

Starring only Big and Froggy.

Who must acquire the Seven Sapphires of Disarray before they're snatched by Ernie, the world's most diabolical fly-fisherman.

What? I'm not allowed to poke fun at my own unholy abomination?

Who's really not the final boss, as he resurrects the thunder elemental creature (who looks mean and has a few tentacles here and there) for a final battle in which froggy and Big both have to become super. However, this can only be accessed if you beat the game as Big, Froggy, Big's fishing rod, Big's left ear, The water Big fishes in, Big again, and the day in the life of an NPC.

And everything is mapped to the same button!

Each of the aforementioned characters speak, and they're all voiced by Jason Griffith.

The end?

Get all Chaos hooks!

Which only serves to unlock Super Hard Mode.

During which there is 40% chance of a system crash.

There is also now a giant bottomless pit that slowly sucks you in unless you keep moving to the left.

There are no Rings and you are surrounded by those star robots from Metropolis Zone.

Some lame brawl joke

The camera controls constantly switch between uninverted and inverted y axis control.

All the levels are thin walkways suspended above bottomless pits. You can move about one step to the right and left, then you fall of.

But wait! Here's the best part! There's chao! And raising them is mandatory to progress through the story! And then, at the very end, they all turn on you as a series of ball-bustingly tedious end-bosses!

There's an invisible trigger in the chao garden that causes all platforms to become invisible for the rest of the game.

Each stage has a time limit of 3 minutes, and no save points.

Each stage has no time limit, but takes at least 10 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are no save points.

It is just one stage with no time limit, but takes at least 45 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are holes everywhere. Fall down once and you lose your S Rank (reality is worse!).

To get an S rank you need to kill every enemy in the game and collect 80% of all rings and keep them until the end of the stage. The time you take doesn't affect the result at all, and if you get hit once your score is reset to 0.

The solutions to objectives are esoteric and can only be uncovered by following a extremely long chain of links situated in pages of increasingly erotic fan art.

The erotic fan art is of Cloud Strife and Garfield.

Quoting too much text causes a game crashing error.

Which brings you to the credits and unlocks everything.

Except now instead of Super Hard Mode, it's HYPER Hard Mode. And you have to play as the Tails Doll.

Protection against soul sucking sold seperately.

[Wombatwarlord777]

Off the top of my head, Big could waddle through the turent section of Sky Deck in his efforts to escape the Egg Carrier.

This is the worst idea ever.

Big must fight three bosses.

Under water.

While carrying rocks.

Big has to fish.
(Am I doing it right?)

Through a series of QTE.

Failing which will kill you instantly.

On a moving platform that does not move you with it.

Holding the jump button while touching the ceiling makes you stick to it.

If you break free then your fishing rod stays jammed in the ceiling.

pyramIIIIIIIIIIIIID

The scripted movement failed and you fell down the hole. Try again.

It was your last life, so now you have to sit through the unskippable 30 minute cut scene again.

Starring only Big and Froggy.

Who must acquire the Seven Sapphires of Disarray before they're snatched by Ernie, the world's most diabolical fly-fisherman.

What? I'm not allowed to poke fun at my own unholy abomination?

Who's really not the final boss, as he resurrects the thunder elemental creature (who looks mean and has a few tentacles here and there) for a final battle in which froggy and Big both have to become super. However, this can only be accessed if you beat the game as Big, Froggy, Big's fishing rod, Big's left ear, The water Big fishes in, Big again, and the day in the life of an NPC.

And everything is mapped to the same button!

Each of the aforementioned characters speak, and they're all voiced by Jason Griffith.

The end?

Get all Chaos hooks!

Which only serves to unlock Super Hard Mode.

During which there is 40% chance of a system crash.

There is also now a giant bottomless pit that slowly sucks you in unless you keep moving to the left.

There are no Rings and you are surrounded by those star robots from Metropolis Zone.

Some lame brawl joke

The camera controls constantly switch between uninverted and inverted y axis control.

All the levels are thin walkways suspended above bottomless pits. You can move about one step to the right and left, then you fall of.

But wait! Here's the best part! There's chao! And raising them is mandatory to progress through the story! And then, at the very end, they all turn on you as a series of ball-bustingly tedious end-bosses!

There's an invisible trigger in the chao garden that causes all platforms to become invisible for the rest of the game.

Each stage has a time limit of 3 minutes, and no save points.

Each stage has no time limit, but takes at least 10 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are no save points.

It is just one stage with no time limit, but takes at least 45 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are holes everywhere. Fall down once and you lose your S Rank (reality is worse!).

To get an S rank you need to kill every enemy in the game and collect 80% of all rings and keep them until the end of the stage. The time you take doesn't affect the result at all, and if you get hit once your score is reset to 0.

The solutions to objectives are esoteric and can only be uncovered by following a extremely long chain of links situated in pages of increasingly erotic fan art.

The erotic fan art is of Cloud Strife and Garfield.

Quoting too much text causes a game crashing error.

Which brings you to the credits and unlocks everything.

Except now instead of Super Hard Mode, it's HYPER Hard Mode. And you have to play as the Tails Doll.

Protection against soul sucking sold seperately.

In the likely event your soul is schurlpied, it will be transported to the G Sonic dimension, where it will be tormented until the Rapture occurs.

[The Doc]

Off the top of my head, Big could waddle through the turent section of Sky Deck in his efforts to escape the Egg Carrier.

This is the worst idea ever.

Big must fight three bosses.

Under water.

While carrying rocks.

Big has to fish.
(Am I doing it right?)

Through a series of QTE.

Failing which will kill you instantly.

On a moving platform that does not move you with it.

Holding the jump button while touching the ceiling makes you stick to it.

If you break free then your fishing rod stays jammed in the ceiling.

pyramIIIIIIIIIIIIID

The scripted movement failed and you fell down the hole. Try again.

It was your last life, so now you have to sit through the unskippable 30 minute cut scene again.

Starring only Big and Froggy.

Who must acquire the Seven Sapphires of Disarray before they're snatched by Ernie, the world's most diabolical fly-fisherman.

What? I'm not allowed to poke fun at my own unholy abomination?

Who's really not the final boss, as he resurrects the thunder elemental creature (who looks mean and has a few tentacles here and there) for a final battle in which froggy and Big both have to become super. However, this can only be accessed if you beat the game as Big, Froggy, Big's fishing rod, Big's left ear, The water Big fishes in, Big again, and the day in the life of an NPC.

And everything is mapped to the same button!

Each of the aforementioned characters speak, and they're all voiced by Jason Griffith.

The end?

Get all Chaos hooks!

Which only serves to unlock Super Hard Mode.

During which there is 40% chance of a system crash.

There is also now a giant bottomless pit that slowly sucks you in unless you keep moving to the left.

There are no Rings and you are surrounded by those star robots from Metropolis Zone.

Some lame brawl joke

The camera controls constantly switch between uninverted and inverted y axis control.

All the levels are thin walkways suspended above bottomless pits. You can move about one step to the right and left, then you fall of.

But wait! Here's the best part! There's chao! And raising them is mandatory to progress through the story! And then, at the very end, they all turn on you as a series of ball-bustingly tedious end-bosses!

There's an invisible trigger in the chao garden that causes all platforms to become invisible for the rest of the game.

Each stage has a time limit of 3 minutes, and no save points.

Each stage has no time limit, but takes at least 10 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are no save points.

It is just one stage with no time limit, but takes at least 45 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are holes everywhere. Fall down once and you lose your S Rank (reality is worse!).

To get an S rank you need to kill every enemy in the game and collect 80% of all rings and keep them until the end of the stage. The time you take doesn't affect the result at all, and if you get hit once your score is reset to 0.

The solutions to objectives are esoteric and can only be uncovered by following a extremely long chain of links situated in pages of increasingly erotic fan art.

The erotic fan art is of Cloud Strife and Garfield.

Quoting too much text causes a game crashing error.

Which brings you to the credits and unlocks everything.

Except now instead of Super Hard Mode, it's HYPER Hard Mode. And you have to play as the Tails Doll.

Protection against soul sucking sold seperately.

In the likely event your soul is schurlpied, it will be transported to the G Sonic dimension, where it will be tormented until the Rapture occurs.

And when you get there, you'll be greeted by the Bay City Rollers, who will perform their renditions of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" and "Hollaback Girl" until you decide that you can't take it anymore, at which point, you'll be tied to a gallows with McDowell eyelid-holders keeping your eyes open as you're forced to watch The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, followed by the Irate Gamer reviewing The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, followed by a "very special" Full House, followed by the return of the Bay City Rollers, who will subsequently force you to eat plate upon plate of alfalfa sprouts while simultaneously forcing you to play Game Party for the Wii.

After which, you will be sent to the restroom where you will be unable to hold back what will be, without a doubt, the biggest dump in the history of mankind. I'm talking, 18 inches long, 16 inches around, harder than an erection at the Playboy mansion, and with peanuts in it.

[Neo]

Off the top of my head, Big could waddle through the turent section of Sky Deck in his efforts to escape the Egg Carrier.

This is the worst idea ever.

Big must fight three bosses.

Under water.

While carrying rocks.

Big has to fish.
(Am I doing it right?)

Through a series of QTE.

Failing which will kill you instantly.

On a moving platform that does not move you with it.

Holding the jump button while touching the ceiling makes you stick to it.

If you break free then your fishing rod stays jammed in the ceiling.

pyramIIIIIIIIIIIIID

The scripted movement failed and you fell down the hole. Try again.

It was your last life, so now you have to sit through the unskippable 30 minute cut scene again.

Starring only Big and Froggy.

Who must acquire the Seven Sapphires of Disarray before they're snatched by Ernie, the world's most diabolical fly-fisherman.

What? I'm not allowed to poke fun at my own unholy abomination?

Who's really not the final boss, as he resurrects the thunder elemental creature (who looks mean and has a few tentacles here and there) for a final battle in which froggy and Big both have to become super. However, this can only be accessed if you beat the game as Big, Froggy, Big's fishing rod, Big's left ear, The water Big fishes in, Big again, and the day in the life of an NPC.

And everything is mapped to the same button!

Each of the aforementioned characters speak, and they're all voiced by Jason Griffith.

The end?

Get all Chaos hooks!

Which only serves to unlock Super Hard Mode.

During which there is 40% chance of a system crash.

There is also now a giant bottomless pit that slowly sucks you in unless you keep moving to the left.

There are no Rings and you are surrounded by those star robots from Metropolis Zone.

Some lame brawl joke

The camera controls constantly switch between uninverted and inverted y axis control.

All the levels are thin walkways suspended above bottomless pits. You can move about one step to the right and left, then you fall of.

But wait! Here's the best part! There's chao! And raising them is mandatory to progress through the story! And then, at the very end, they all turn on you as a series of ball-bustingly tedious end-bosses!

There's an invisible trigger in the chao garden that causes all platforms to become invisible for the rest of the game.

Each stage has a time limit of 3 minutes, and no save points.

Each stage has no time limit, but takes at least 10 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are no save points.

It is just one stage with no time limit, but takes at least 45 minutes of tedious slogging to finish and there are holes everywhere. Fall down once and you lose your S Rank (reality is worse!).

To get an S rank you need to kill every enemy in the game and collect 80% of all rings and keep them until the end of the stage. The time you take doesn't affect the result at all, and if you get hit once your score is reset to 0.

The solutions to objectives are esoteric and can only be uncovered by following a extremely long chain of links situated in pages of increasingly erotic fan art.

The erotic fan art is of Cloud Strife and Garfield.

Quoting too much text causes a game crashing error.

Which brings you to the credits and unlocks everything.

Except now instead of Super Hard Mode, it's HYPER Hard Mode. And you have to play as the Tails Doll.

Protection against soul sucking sold seperately.

In the likely event your soul is schurlpied, it will be transported to the G Sonic dimension, where it will be tormented until the Rapture occurs.

And when you get there, you'll be greeted by the Bay City Rollers, who will perform their renditions of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" and "Hollaback Girl" until you decide that you can't take it anymore, at which point, you'll be tied to a gallows with McDowell eyelid-holders keeping your eyes open as you're forced to watch The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, followed by the Irate Gamer reviewing The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, followed by a "very special" Full House, followed by the return of the Bay City Rollers, who will subsequently force you to eat plate upon plate of alfalfa sprouts while simultaneously forcing you to play Game Party for the Wii.

After which, you will be sent to the restroom where you will be unable to hold back what will be, without a doubt, the biggest dump in the history of mankind. I'm talking, 18 inches long, 16 inches around, harder than an erection at the Playboy mansion, and with peanuts in it.

Sonic's arms are blue.

[j-man]

oh sweet baby jesus noooooooo

[K2J]

That's it, thread's over.