My way indeed

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Green Gibbon!
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My way indeed

Post by Green Gibbon! »

So on my lunch hour today I was trying to decide what I should eat and ended up spontaneously rolling into Burger King, as I usually do when I can't decide what to eat. I'm never really sure what I'll end up getting there, and usually regret it once I decide, but I keep going back anyway like an abused child with nowhere else to turn. Of all the fast food hovels I frequent for my daily bread, BK has the worst service of anywhere. I'm lucky if I get someone at the counter within 5 minutes of arrival. I can hear the employees laughing and cutting up in the back. I've given up asking them to hold the mayo and tomatoes because I know they're going to flat out ignore the request. Even the stripe-shirt manager looks like she's going to open fire on a school any day. I don't blame any of them, of course. Nobody works in fast food because they have a choice. They hate me because I come from an upper middle class white family and I make two dollars an hour more than they do and they should hate me for that. I hate them because they hate me for that and that's as it should be. We're all part of the machine.

BUT ANYWAY. I was trying to decide between a double stacker which might very well have clogged my arteries this afternoon (which I would have been okay with) or just drop a buck on a largely unsatisfying Whopper Jr to sheer the edge off my hunger until I could get home and eat some already purchased Chef Boyardee. As soon as I got close enough to read the menu, however, I saw something new and interesting: the so-called "Steakhouse Burger", an infant addition to the BK canon. At 4 bucks for the burger alone, I had to think twice, but it's hard to turn down something new and potentially deadly at lunchtime.

AND OH MY GOD.

Like... like... sweet holy Christ Jesus God Christ Jesus. Jesus.

I can say with confidence that it is the single best fast food burger I have ever had. Ever. Anywhere. I heard rumors at one time about a "Fourth of July Burger" from Carl's Jr that included a big fat beef patty with hot dog and potato chips all in one sloppy sandwich that was test marketed at a few locations in the northwest - that may have been a contender if I'd ever had the chance to try it, but it didn't catch on so it's safe to say that the BK Steakhouse Burger is the single best mass-marketed fast food burger ever created.

I just had the plain Steakhouse Burger, but I also saw on the menu the "Loaded Steakhouse Burger" for about a buck more that includes, like, some baked potato shit with bacon and chives. That's instant death right there. If you ever feel like committing suicide one afternoon (it's just a matter of time for most of us who eat BK on a daily basis), that's the fastest, easiest, least painful and most readily available way to do it.


So. Everyone should run out and grab a BK Steakhouse Burger tonight. I know some locations are open 24 hours now so there's no excuse not to. I had one for lunch and I am a better man for it.

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Protodude
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Re: My way indeed

Post by Protodude »

And of course I don't read this until AFTER I'm full of pizza. Great.

But as a burger connoisseur, I just have to ask what was it that made this burger so great? Steakhouse Burger invokes images of a charred burger covered in A-1 for me.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Green Gibbon! »

It's got A1. Plus a humongous meat patty that juts out all sides of the bun, which is actually toasted. And fried crispy onions. And cheese. It really does taste like a steakhouse burger - some magic artificial flavor spray developed in New Jersey, I'm sure, but I was impressed.

It's not the sort of thing I can explain, one has to experience it for oneself. I will say that I ate it at about 3:30 - it's now 10:30 and I'm still stuffed. And I didn't even finish the damn thing, I had a good 4 or 5 bites I couldn't stuff down.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Opa-Opa »

No Burger Kings in my town. =(

Of all the places to live, I had to get the one with pretty girls and no BK.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Cuckooguy »

What will make me fuller longer, 4 Whopper Jrs or 1 Steakhouse Burger?

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Re: My way indeed

Post by P.P.A. »

But I'm vegetarian and I never eat outside! :(

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Meat »

Opa-Opa wrote:No Burger Kings in my town. =(

Of all the places to live, I had to get the one with pretty girls and no BK.
Which is why you have pretty girls in your town.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Segaholic2 »

I'll try this next time I feel the suicidal urge to visit Burger King.

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Post by Senbei »

I'm excited about trying this during lunch break tomorrow.

On a similar note, I recently tried that Spicy Baconator at Wendy's. I'd previously never had heartburn.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Green Gibbon! »

So yesterday I ordered the Loaded Steakhouse and ended up with a plain steakhouse sans onions. I assume I got someone else's order. Ah, Burger King, you hurt me and I love you anyway.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Shadow Hog »

Eh, I usually go with fried chicken from pretty much any fast food joint I hit. Tends to be tastier, in my opinion. Burger King tends to be the best in this regard (sans tomato, anyway), but is also by far the most expensive. Typically I go with Chick-Fil-A instead - cheaper overall, and allegedly healthier (although given that it is, even still, fried food implies otherwise).

I've never tried burgers from either McDonald's or Burger King, actually. For the former I'm rather afraid to do so (I mean, heck, even McDonald's chicken sandwiches have gotten worse over time - it's that new bun they've been using for a few years, it's far worse than their old generic hamburger bun). While I'm interested in trying some at the latter, BK's chicken sandwiches are so damn good that I can't be bothered to have anything else. And Chick-Fil-A is more convenient to get in and out from during a lunch break than either of them, so.

There's also Wendy's, but I dunno, I stopped going to them when I realized I could fit Chick-Fil-A into my lunch break instead. At least Wendy's burger's I've tried, and they're pretty decent - although I still prefer fried chicken.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Segaholic2 »

Green Gibbon! wrote:So yesterday I ordered the Loaded Steakhouse and ended up with a plain steakhouse sans onions. I assume I got someone else's order. Ah, Burger King, you hurt me and I love you anyway.
Why didn't you get it fixed?

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Post by Isuka »

If he did, he'd have probably ended up with a Whopper Jr.

There's a BK near my house and the chicks are hot. The catch is, they aren't naked. :(
Maybe I shouldn't have skipped that trip to the beach this year.

Hog, you know you're kinda forcing everyone's hand with those fried chicken commentaries, do you? lol

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Oompa Star »

There's an interesting quirk with the the employees that work at fast food restaurants in my town. McDonald's employs Hispanics, Wendy's has Middle Eastern people, and Burger King hires African tribesman. Surprisingly, most of my orders are done my way.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Shadow Hog »

I actually rarely have any trouble with special orders from fast food places. To be frank, my main gripe would be that they always put so much ice into your drink so as to mean you don't really get much drink at all. (What's with that, anyway?)

Full-blown restaurants, however, tend to cause me more grief in the "special order" category...

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Re: My way indeed

Post by DackAttac »

I took a subway trip out of my way just to try this cocksucker. Totally worth it.

Only problem is it simultaneously makes you direly thirsty and too full to consider put anything, liquid or otherwise, into your stomach.

PS - They did fuck the order up, though. They gave me some dude's loaded when I wanted a regula—uh-oh.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Delphine »

Goddamnit, I have successfully not eaten fast food in months, and now I want to go try this. You bastard.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by cjmcray »

If only I had 4 bucks. I need to try this sex burger.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Green Gibbon! »

I got it today! The true Loaded Steakhouse Burger complete with bacon and spuds and cheese and no tomato! Oh, man. Oh, man. Every bite is like heaven until you get about halfway through the burger and realize you're totally full, but you can't bear to see the rest of it go to waste to you finish it off and feel like a walrus for the rest of the afternoon. I'm gonna do it again tomorrow.
Why didn't you get it fixed?
I'd already driven back to work and it wouldn't have been worth the gas. If I were my mother, though, a picture perfect angry middle-aged southern white woman who realizes she got married too early and had children too young and so wasted the best years of her life that she's never going to get back but she lives an otherwise comfortable life and thinks Jesus wanted her to raise children anyway and she's never had to work in fast food or retail or any other demeaning poverty-class labor - if I met that criteria, I'm sure I would've driven back and yelled at the hapless manager who would've helplessly catered to my tantrum, then returned to my car with my repaired order (which, I hope, would also include crotch sweat) and gift voucher for a free sundae or something fuming that next time I'll take my business elsewhere as though "my business" somehow carries enough weight to negate the other 800 people who eat there every day. I've seen it happen.
Typically I go with Chick-Fil-A instead - cheaper overall
BK's more expensive than some other places, but Chik-fil-a is the most expensive fast food I've ever seen. And too southern baptist.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Shadow Hog »

I'll take your word for it, considering a Tendercrisp Chicken Sandwich (sans tomato) meal from BK costs $6.50 or so (definitely > $6) while a #1 no pickle from Chick-Fil-A is $5.29 (yes, I get it so often that I have the exact value, with tax, memorized - it's sad).

Of course, I've noticed that my university's Chick-Fil-A is considerably more expensive - the meal without tax from my university costs more than the same meal WITH tax from my usual stop. When I inquired from the cashier as to why the hell the prices were jacked up, she just shot out "because it's [insert university's name here]," and immediately moved onto something else. She wasn't even TRYING to answer the question. What BS. I don't think I'm going to that Chick-Fil-A anymore.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Malchik »

I made a special effort to go out and eat at McDonalds because I noticed the Mc Rib had hatched from it's once a year cycle and I was very surprised that it tasted great. Mind you it was the expected beef/pork meat fiber that had been compressed into a rib shaped briquette, freeze dried and then frozen food stuff you'd expect. However the A-1 sauce made it real high society.

Sadly my local BK had closed due to lack of customers.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by Jack Bz »

Personally, I'm more of a Subway man because it's delicious and I don't feel like I'm slowly killing myself eating one (though it's too expensive for me to order anything other than sub of the day, generally). That said, I'm now interested in this burger. It's probably not a good idea to eat it every day though, Gibbon.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by gr4yJ4Y »

It's good to see that BK finely came to their senses and put this on the menu. I used to make a variant of this for my lunch break back when I worked there a couple years back. I'd ring it up as a regular angus burger, but always insisted on making it myself. It is truly delicious. Although I didn't put bacon on mine. At the one I was working at, at least, the bacon would sit out for way too long, becoming dry and disgusting.

The reason why it's the worst service there is because they're the lowest paid and the least trained. I witnessed a McDonald's training session once and was floored at how much more thorough it was.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by RocketPunch »

Jack Bz wrote:Personally, I'm more of a Subway man because it's delicious and I don't feel like I'm slowly killing myself eating one (though it's too expensive for me to order anything other than sub of the day, generally).
Lucky for you, God has recently descended from the heavens and given us the $5 footlong.

I've never really been big on Burger King, but I actually kind of like how in the face of this whole health food craze over the past five or so years, they've actually made bigger, fattier, more caloric burgers while every other fast food place has scrambled to introduce salads and fruit cups and other assorted attempts at convincing people they aren't as bad as they were portrayed in "Supersize Me." It's kind of like BK's own way of saying "F the Establishment," which I can always enjoy.

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Re: My way indeed

Post by j-man »

People who go into McDonalds and buy a salad need to be dragged into the street and pelted with dog shit.

Also, what on earth is Chick-Fil-A? Aside from being annoying to type, yet deliciously borderline risqué to pronounce.

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