Turkey and a randy Irishman.

Speak your mind, or lack thereof. There may occasionally be on-topic discussions.
Post Reply
User avatar
Ritz
Shit Twizzler
Posts: 1256
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 2:59 am
Now Playing: Every PC Engine game
Contact:

Turkey and a randy Irishman.

Post by Ritz »

I had the best Thanksgiving ever.

I was eating at my mom's friend's house, right? Well, her friend had this Irish boyfriend. I swear, he's the nicest guy you'd ever meet. Anyway, once my mom and her friend and her friend's friend leave the room, he starts talking about how smart I am and stuff.

And then he starts bringing up politics.

So, I sit there pretending to read this magazine on International Affairs while he rants on about political shit and the like.

And he offers me a drink several times. Normally, I wouldn't refuse, but I wasn't willing to take the risk with my mom around. And then he asks me if I want some Pepsi. I refuse, but he pours me a cup anyway. This gesture struck me as odd, so I cautiously sniffed it. He hurriedly exclaims that he "Thinks it's some sort of Vanilla Pepsi". After letting it sit for a while, you could see the alcohol separating itself from the Pepsi. I didn't mind, but I was still freaked out by the fact that he tried to drug me, Especially since prior to that moment, he was talking to me and my mom about his hijinks back on his Irish farm as a boy with 13 other brothers and sisters. Especially since these hijinks involved a tree.

And it gets better; everyone was too drunk to drive us home, so we had to spend the night. Oh, and he mentioned that he was bi, so I was seriously starting to get worried. I'd have slept with one eye open, but the turkey was starting to have it's way with me, so I conked out.

Thankful that my rectum was still intact, we left with a bag of leftovers, among which included brownies and apple pie, both of which everyone conveniently forgot to tell me about. While me, my mom and her friend are driving home, my mom tells her friend that her boyfriend was making sexual advances towards her. 'Innuendos', she called it. Anyway, her friend flips out and calls him. By now, my mom is pretty worried that she'd be an asshole for telling her, but she's too good of a friend to let something like that go unnoticed.

So now, the entire time we're driving home, she's screaming "EMMIT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE TRYING TO GET SOME IN OUR OWN HOUSE YOU DIRTY CUNTLAPPER ARE YOU TRYING TO HURT ME WELL GO AHEAD SHOOT ME STAB ME I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE I'M GONNA CUT IT OFF" while speeding through a turnpike at 80 mph.

Once we get to the house, my mom elaborates on these 'innuendos'. That is, she tells me about how the guy came into the kitchen completely naked. If I were awake at the time, I would've put his schlong in a pretzel knot. Fortunately, this wasn't the case. Naturally, she turned him down - She even threatened to set it aflame with her lighter, in fact.

Oh, and another twist; according to my mom, the guy was just mad because her friend never told him about how she had AIDS and all. So yeah, how was your Thanksgiving?

User avatar
Senbei
Posts: 800
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2005 6:45 pm
Now Playing: Art school...
Location: Art school!
Contact:

Post by Senbei »

I saw the new Harry Potter movie.
You win.

User avatar
Ritz
Shit Twizzler
Posts: 1256
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 2:59 am
Now Playing: Every PC Engine game
Contact:

Post by Ritz »

Actually, my mom had dragged me to see Harry Potter earlier that day.

SDHawk
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat Nov 27, 2004 12:25 pm

Post by SDHawk »

I ate turkey and then played Dragon Quest 8 all day. It was good.

firemario1001
Posts: 230
Joined: Fri Jun 04, 2004 10:52 pm

Post by firemario1001 »

I had to read a book on Irish contribution to history for college. It's hard to imagine that these are the people who ended up saving western civilization learning from barbarians.

User avatar
Baba O'Reily
ABBA BANNED
Posts: 3339
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 8:26 pm
Location: http://zenixstudios.com/files/ 554SpaceIsThePlace.Mp3
Contact:

Post by Baba O'Reily »

Uh... I bought a used copy of Jade Empire and played that for 2 hours, then I went to sleep, woke up, sat through an incredibly awkward rendition of grace with my agnostic sister, ate some turkey and apple pie, watched an uninteresting game of football, then the Apprentice, then went to sleep.

User avatar
Neo Yi
Posts: 1013
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2004 12:07 pm
Location: No where you need to know
Contact:

Post by Neo Yi »

I just had Thanksgiving with my parents and little sis and like the entire Yi Clan that lives in America inside my rich cousins' nice ass house. Oh, and I also went online and stuff.
~Neo

User avatar
Brazillian Cara
Posts: 1729
Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 5:30 pm
Now Playing: the waiting game.
Location: On a never-ending quest to change my avatar.

Post by Brazillian Cara »

We don't have Thanksgiving in Brazil, but my Gamecube got fixed yesterday. I guess I should be thankful for not having to spend $100 because of a lightning storm.

User avatar
j-man
All-Time Everything GHZ Award Winner
Posts: 3227
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2004 3:07 pm
Now Playing: Sea of Friends
Location: Entirely Unmoving
Contact:

Post by j-man »

I met a girl who I'd seen on the bus, we hung out, went shopping, got some coffee and even had a first date kiss. She wants to see me on Monday too. <3 Best day ever.

User avatar
Zeta
Posts: 4444
Joined: Wed May 26, 2004 11:06 am
Contact:

Post by Zeta »

So you think he just wanted to knock you out so he could bang your Mom, or was he trying to give HIV to a whole family at once?

User avatar
Ritz
Shit Twizzler
Posts: 1256
Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2004 2:59 am
Now Playing: Every PC Engine game
Contact:

Post by Ritz »

The former, I hope.

User avatar
The T
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2005 4:24 pm
Contact:

Post by The T »

You really should go back and ask him.

User avatar
Nova
Posts: 431
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2004 4:38 pm

Post by Nova »

Brazillian Cara wrote:We don't have Thanksgiving in Brazil, but my Gamecube got fixed yesterday. I guess I should be thankful for not having to spend $100 because of a lightning storm.
Lucky dude, lets see, I had Diarrhea( diarrea) and lost one pound, besides having a great pain in the ass.

User avatar
Dunjohn
Posts: 262
Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2004 2:32 pm
Location: Ireland. The sleeker, better Britain.

Post by Dunjohn »

I fended off a horde of barbarians with my copy of the Book of Kells. Haven't seen Potter yet.

User avatar
Omni Hunter
Omnizzy
Posts: 1966
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2005 4:50 am
Location: MK, Satan's Layby
Contact:

Post by Omni Hunter »

I had to put up with my ex at work. Woot, lifestyles of the mundane^^.

User avatar
Grant
Posts: 1490
Joined: Sat May 29, 2004 6:05 pm

Post by Grant »

I once had the opposite approach: I tried to impress a girl by sleeping with her mom. I didn't get the girl, but I gave her a sister to remember me by.

User avatar
chriscaffee
Posts: 2020
Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2004 12:43 am

Post by chriscaffee »

My Xbox's Thompson finally decided to quit pussy-footing it. Instead of just selectively failing to load maps from Halo 2 it flat out refused to read anything. So I had to buy another Xbox, of 2005 manufacture.

To make up for that I did get to see Commando three times. You know he's special forces when he smells the bad guys coming and ends up killing a grand total of seventy-nine baddies.

Some of the best written dialouge I ever heard.

User avatar
Light Speed
Sexified
Posts: 2529
Joined: Sun May 23, 2004 4:08 pm
Location: Park City, Utah
Contact:

Post by Light Speed »

I had to help move boxes and furniture into my parents new house the entire weekend, we didn't even have Thanksgiving at home cause all the dishes and shit were in boxes. We went out to some restaurant, oh and in retrospect steak is way better than turkey so I don't mind too much. However I think I would have preferred staying at my house and thus avoiding helping my parents move at all.

User avatar
HyperFox
Posts: 60
Joined: Mon Jun 13, 2005 1:24 pm

Post by HyperFox »

I watched the entire launch of the 360. Yay me. -_-

VGJustice
Posts: 196
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:07 pm
Location: Colorado, USA

Post by VGJustice »

um.... I moved furniture. Then, I ate food. Then, I played Guild Wars and went to bed early so that I could get to work on time.

Needless to say, there is something to be said for not having a life sometimes =/

plasticwingsband
ASSMAN
Posts: 1340
Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:53 pm
Location: Buttse.cx!
Contact:

Post by plasticwingsband »

Thanksgiving was pretty standard. Went with my dad & little brothers to my grandparents house.

Friday, however, was pretty crazy. I woke up at 4 AM to go to work for 9 hours. It was my first Black Friday in retail, and it's not something I'm likely to ever forget.

Then that evening I visited with this gorgeous chick who was visiting her parents for the holiday. We ate mexican food in the top of a Carl's Jr. playplace, shopped around at the ninety-nine cent store, made some donuts with my new car on the lawn of our old middle school, and snuck into the new high school to walk around and smoke cloves.

All in all it was a good Black Friday.

plasticwingsband
ASSMAN
Posts: 1340
Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:53 pm
Location: Buttse.cx!
Contact:

Post by plasticwingsband »

p.s. she has an amazing ASS btw

User avatar
Senbei
Posts: 800
Joined: Sat Oct 01, 2005 6:45 pm
Now Playing: Art school...
Location: Art school!
Contact:

Post by Senbei »

plasticwingsband wrote:Black Friday in retail
EVIL.
I'm just glad I wasn't working the morning shift that day.

Three unceasing lines.
The terror of 7AM.
Rebates suck great ass.

User avatar
Dunjohn
Posts: 262
Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2004 2:32 pm
Location: Ireland. The sleeker, better Britain.

Post by Dunjohn »

chriscaffee wrote: To make up for that I did get to see Commando three times. You know he's special forces when he smells the bad guys coming and ends up killing a grand total of seventy-nine baddies.

Some of the best written dialouge I ever heard.
A place in town finally got in a DVD of this last Saturday. It looked like brilliant, mindless Homer Simpsonism. With this coicidentally-timed seal of approval, yeah, I'm definitely gonna get it.

Post Reply