The availability of bananas to minors is a serious issue.

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Baba O'Reily
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The availability of bananas to minors is a serious issue.

Post by Baba O'Reily »

Bananas were fine for all of the violence and potential ice cream ideas they offered. But one day, that all changed, when a mysterious tape labled 'Fruit Fun' appeared in my daughter's drawer. It offered a graphic look at what bananas were truly capable of.

Knowing this, we should absolutely prohibit minors from purchasing this fruit, or, at the very least, raise the legal age limit at which they may purchase these heinous plants by one year. Also, I believe that we should not let these items be openly displayed at Wal-Mart, regardless of the profit they bring in. Millions of families already own bananas, so I propose a solution to the banana companies: Distribute plastic spoons to cut off the parts of the banana deemed offensive, and all subsequent bananas be marked off, mashed, or otherwise made unrecognizable.

These objects are a menace to society, and we must, I repeat, MUST prevent them from getting in the hands of our impressionable youth. They are as dangerous as alcohol or drugs, and should be treated with the same caution. I believe we can sign a petition and even get this sponsored by Hillary Clinton! Why should I have to actually parent my kid and monitor the material they buy? Shouldn't that be the government's job?

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Post by Delphine »

Heart.

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Post by Protodude »

But....I like bananas! They're my favorite fruit! You can't deny my love for them!

Uh, I mean, I only eat them. It's not like I do any of that "stuff" with them. I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay.

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Post by Neo Yi »

But they taste so good....
~Neo

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Post by Brazillian Cara »

You have a daughter.
(e eu preciso rever meus conceitos...)

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Post by Omni Hunter »

What exactly is the offensive part of a banana?

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Post by Baba O'Reily »

Why, it's all of these third party modifications to the bananas! While the distributors and designers did not intend for the banana to be phallic, a recently discovered modification allows explicit acts to be done with a banana. Naturally, this can only mean that these bananas are an abomination upon the morals of America and can only deteriorate our sense of justice as a whole, never mind the fact that this is a non-issue in most other contries, most of which are decadent anyways.

I feel that anything that is objectionable in anyway is not a part of the wholesome American dream, and should be taken off the shelves and modified significantly to pander to my every demand, as it all can be traced back to my utter lack of interest in what my child does, unless it's bad. It's similar to the Old Testament version of God in the Bible, which I don't actually read, but secretly have memorized one phrase to make myself look morally upstart.

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Post by Omni Hunter »

What sparked this post? Or is it just random because I scoured the net and haven't found anything, as much as I would like to laugh at the so called parent.

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Post by One Classy Bloke »

I must disagree. Sexual exploration with bananas is one of the safest things for a child. It will keep them inside, away from all the pedophiles hiding in the bushes at the end of my front garden. It will allow them to sexually mature at their own pace as well, rather than being pressured by other children.

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Post by Baba O'Reily »

Nonsense! In 50% of the cases 100% of the children killed 40% of their classmates 67% of the time.

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Post by DarkPrime »

When I first got my job at a grocery store a couple of years ago, a week or so after I started, a lady came through the checkout with a zucchini, a banana and a cucumber. She put them down on the register and made a heavy sigh. This is late Saturday night right around closing, BTW. Anyway, she sighed, looked off into space and said...

"I'm so lonely..."

Most awkward moment of my life.

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Post by Crazy Penguin »

Sounds like she was coming on to you.

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That was me, and yes, I was.

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Post by plasticwingsband »

ASS good; bananas bad.

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Post by Double-S- »

Aren't bananas going extinct?

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Post by SuperKnux »

The fruit industry might change after this banana fiasco. I can tell they're going to start picking at oranges and apples. Despite having nothing to do with sex, they’ll find a problem with those fruits. It would only be a matter of time before these religion obsessed politicians start controlling the food we love to eat.

People who have never even stepped foot inside a church will defiantly be joining the ban the banana bandwagon.

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Post by Gamerguy »

Using directions downloadable from the Internet, Banana can be used as a wang sock. In current versions of Banana, these features are not openly accessible but the Department of Agriculture should place a ban on it until a new version that meets the original function is released.

</GTA San Andreas rant>

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Post by gr4yJ4Y »

Does this mean we're selling Hawaii to the Cubans?

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Post by WhoopA »

More disturbing is the presence of bananas in video games! Video games, of all places, and disembodied heads extolling their virtues! This kind of madness is intolerable and must be stopped!

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Post by VGJustice »

But games are an artform, and must be protected by all means so that future generations can benifit from them! And what, truely, is the impact of bananas on the gaming industry today? We have lived with bananas in games in the past and we can live with them in games today!

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Post by Baba O'Reily »

Gamerguy wrote: </GTA San Andreas rant>
Nobody said anything about Grand Theft Auto. This is about BANANAS. Bananas are the true menace of our society. Not illegal drugs, gun control, or medical research. We need to lead our intelligence agencies to do a full fledged search of the fruit industry to see that our policies are inacted with full force so that our bitching will seemingly have a purpose.

And with that, may this thread's embers fade away into a formerly witty pile of ashes.

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Grant
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Post by Grant »

The only thing I know about bananas is that Nathan Tsui is one.

You know, yellow on the outside...

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Post by Double-S- »

Thanks for ruining the joke, Gamerguy.

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Baba O'Reily
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Post by Baba O'Reily »

Bah. The joke had already died by my third post.
Although Gamerguy really made sure that the coffin was nailed tight. Dick.

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Post by Segaholic2 »

Amazing Grant wrote:The only thing I know about bananas is that Nathan Tsui is one.

You know, yellow on the outside...
I'm so offended I'll --

Eh, whatever.

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